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Howard,
First of all, I have been in your shoes before, last year in fact. I will also tell you that I made some of the same mistakes as you initially after break up, like calling her, begging even once while crying to her on the phone. However, after a few days I pulled my shit together, despite the pain and took the first step: NO Contact.
The first step towards what exactly Singh, growing 6 more inches? No my friend, the first step towards bringing yourself back and better than ever! You see Howard, we often get comfortable in relationships and we then become dependent on our significant other for our happiness. Our entire lives and livelihoods rest on one pillar. What if that pillar were to be snapped?
Well, the answer to that question is what you are going through right now, and it sucks, for the time being. So, this is about you not me so I will tell you in short what happened to me after that break up a year ago:
I entered no contact (without warning), healed myself, rid myself of as much dependency on her as I could, and most of all, worked on ME. The end result was a month later: we got back together, with her realizing that she wants to be with me.
So now that you know it works (this is just a tiny example, many more are out there), start it right NOW. Do not send that silly letter, I repeat, do NOT send it. You must enter no contact right now, because you two are over, let me reword that: your old relationship is over, done.
No contact is for you my friend, for you to correct your wrong in being dependent on her for happiness and completeness. Listen to me, this is a blessing man, for if this hadn’t happened, then how would you realize that you only need you to make you happy? You wouldn’t, until the **** hit the fan in the future and in a much more hurtful situation (imagine if this happened when you got married).
This pain you are feeling, accept it, let it in, feel it for a bit. The pain will go away, and your diet will return, I promise you that %100 with a time-back guarantee if it doesn’t (because you spent time reading this, not money, get it?). The biggest mistake you can make in this moment and during this period of pain and hurt is to not work on yourself, to not take this opportunity to better your best and LOVE YOURSELF to the fullest.
You see, when you have absolute faith and confidence back in yourself, then there will be nothing that can rip your happiness away ever again. Read this website, research and learn how to do affirmations. These are extremely powerful and will be an excellent tool in helping you rid yourself of the pain and help you become the confident stud that you were when you met this girl AND MORE. Now I’m not in possession of any pysch-degree or therapeutic license, I’m just another guy who has been through this (and is going through this at a different stage) telling you that it works and this is what you must do.
Do not contact her for at least a month. Don’t do it, and read up more about no contact to get a better understanding. Remember, this is not about you being mean to her and having revenge, no contact is about you getting your life back and better than ever (I can’t stress the “better than ever” part enough, it is true). Forgive (not to her face) for any hurt she caused you, and most importantly forgive yourself too. Look in the mirror and say it.
Believe in yourself Howard, you have what it takes to do anything you put your mind to, all you gotta do first is love yourself and have complete confidence in yourself. This will be hard yes, but you will do it I’m certain. Do you know how I know that? Its because you have no choice. You have no choice but to be all you can be and be the only one responsible for your own happiness.
Go to the gym, see friends, see family, start a new hobby, dedicate more time to your career, education: you have so much more time now in your life, use it to better yourself, not to pity yourself.
In good time, find out what went wrong in the relationship and search deep and hard after the pain to find out whether she is really worth being with again. I too got the whole “I feel you’re too good for me” crap, and you know what? She’s right, I am, and I am getting even “gooder” as the days go by, as I work on myself in all aspects and love myself.
Once you get over her and are completely fine with the breakup, you will come to a crossroad, and one of the paths that you can choose (yea, YOU will be the one with the power to choose) just might be to start a new relationship with your old girlfriend if you so choose, but you will have options.
Sincerely,
Singh
Howard, don’t mention it. And the current pain im in now is because that relationship just ended a week ago (yes we got back together last year, and it didn’t work again). This happened for several reasons but the main one I will tell you now is because I didnt learn from my mistakes from the first break up hahaha. All is good though, I take this as a message that I have things to work on that I’d never realize unless this relationship ended.
Sooo…. to you my friend, don’t make the same mistakes again like I did, when you get your mojo back, never forget it and never forget that you believe in yourself. The moment you forget and go back to the old ways is the moment you lose again. But you won’t do that.
I understand that you hope she can be happy and well and all, that is an extremely noble quality that you have and that comes from true love. I say extremely because it is all to common to feel anger and scorn after a break up, but that is not like you so that is awesome.
On the other hand, and again, you got this. Its good to feel the emotion you have right now, its healthy to cry it out, its cleansing in a way. Don’t concern yourself over her, for how can you care for another if you cannot care for yourself to the fullest? Once you are at peace with yourself and have complete faith in yourself, you will be ready to love another again.
No need to be sorry about using that word, you have faith that she will be alright, now have faith that you will be too 🙂
Some things happen for a reason, I try not to attribute much “fault” to myself in that it makes me think that an outcome could have been avoided. If we had hindsight then this would be okay to feel, but we don’t.
So keep looking forward and there are great things out there waiting to happen to you. But there’s a catch, they will only happen if you believe that they will and expect them all the same because you know that you are awesome and worthy of happiness.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 