Hi All

I am in need of your advice and wisdom 🙁

I love my boyfriend with all my heart, he is the sweetest man, he is my rock and supports me emotionally, and we get along really well. But I keep finding myself being so jealous of him, and his success/happiness. He is always really lucky, getting to see the world, having a nice job, having nice parents who support him financially and emotionally.

My life has been a mess lately. I’m in my early 20’s and was recently forced out of my parents home because they divorced and they wanted me out, even though I never had time to save money or find a decent job to support myself. I got a degree in graphic design years ago, but never found a nice job as a designer no matter how hard i tried. So I keep having these shitty waiter jobs, cleaning jobs, for years now.  It’s so bad right now that I don’t know any more what I want to do in life. I recently got fired from my waiter job, and I’m now a cleaner in our local hospital. It barely pays my rent, and I find it hard to buy food at the end of the month. There is no money to do nice things, or get outside and to something nice with my friends. I’m always stressed out over money, and it’s hard to picture myself in the future. I also keep failing to find a decent job. The economy in my country is really bad right now, and lot’s of people are struggling the same way I am. Because I moved to another city for a job which I couldn’t keep because I got fired, I rarely see them. My friends are all really busy with school, or their career, and I find myself very lonely and lost. I got diagnosed with a depression, but have no money to seek further help as therapy costs a lot of money.

My boyfriend the other hand got really lucky and found a nice job right off the bat after his study. He studied Zoology when he was younger. I also really wanted to study Zoology, it was a dream to travel the world and study/care for animals. But my parents at the time could not afford the study and the travels that came with it. He also really loves his job as an animal carer, and it pays really well. His parents let him stay home to he could save up and buy a few apartments which he is subletting now, so he doesn’t have to work as much. He also got to see the world, travel. India, Japan, Indonesia, Taiwan, China and Nepal. I always wanted to travel, it is a really big dream of mine. But I never had the chance. He has a busy life, work, friends and family. He will be away all summer too, to see the world again and travel with his friends and family. I am not able to go because I have my bills to pay, and financially I cannot afford it. It means I will be left behind.

I wish I had it more together, knowing what I wanted to do in life. I wish I too came from wealth, having more chances in life to do what I want. I feel to salty towards him, because he has his life together, gets to see places and doesn’t have to worry about money. In my eyes he had everything I ever wanted. I know my parents love me and worked hard for me. And I know my boyfriend deserves everything he has, and it’s ridiculous for me to be resentful towards him and my own parents.

And I feel ashamed for thinking this way, I wish I was a better person as a whole. I should be happy for him, but I can’t.

Advice? 🙁