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I am like a bonsai in love

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 37 total)
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  • #170405
    Ron
    Participant

    In myself, I find I am like a bonsai. I feel I need to trim away the parts that cause troubles in my future, and my following futures.

    #170521
    Ron
    Participant

    A month for love, and all the words I can clarify. I can see the neat and orderly life that is required by her.My heart belongs to her words, and I hope mine reach her when she needs them.

    #170863
    Ron
    Participant

    Her eyes were the saddest I had ever seen, and I looked deeper to see that her tears echoed a loneliness like mine. I could not let her turn out like me.

    #171001
    Ron
    Participant

    No depth tonight. Just surprised at my strange luck. I find it doesn’t help in the least, where love is concerned. I think I get the picture, and working toward love seems appropriate. So, I struggle against my love no longer.

    #171187
    Ron
    Participant

    Sitting here beating myself up for being 2000km’s from my love. I feel I should tell her to relax, and do what she always does.

    #171331
    Ron
    Participant

    A sympathetic death is the smallest thing I can do for love. I reave the parts of myself that could allow such negativity to occur, and allow myself to fall to my nature. In doing so, the process begins to point out the guiding principles of my life, and I learn where I can change myself for my love. I see no need to worry over what my love does in the hollows I have opened, because she spoke her words with a strength, and love all her own.

    I know my dreams sound strange,  but the truth is I can only see as far as I can understand. I see my dreams are many fold, and only she has gotten it right.

    #171385
    Ron
    Participant

    Sitting out this misty rain indoors, I understand my inner dreamer has awakened. So, I listen to my heart, and let go till I can see her again; I listen to my nature, and let it bring us together; I listen to my love, and let her rest.

    #171799
    Ron
    Participant

    A friend of mine once told me of her classroom pet, a hedgehog named Lychee, and how it took a good 15 minutes to get him to relax after class. This concept seems to be my way, however I can sense through my empathy when someone is digging through my past in an attempt to dissect a dream that wasn’t theirs to understand. In truth I’m relaxed, and get prickly when I understand everything is pointed at me simply out of curiosity. I see an each of my life in front of my eyes, and it holds a frightening understanding. For me, paranoia seems to travel through my life backwards till an understanding is reached.

    Completely turned around, the whole concept reveals my dream for what it was, a twisting of what was perceived. I worried I wouldn’t see my love again, and in doing so I missed my chance. My dream, fits together so perfectly and uniformly that I have a hard time understanding why I had two dreams at the same time, and what I experience, and see on a daily basis. My love is still there, and at times I can almost sense the tears well up in her eyes as she begins to understand. Every time I think of her I see the tears, and it tears me up inside. A cruel dream brought about by hate, and a desire to control an unknown idea.

    My friend would understand my hesitation, and my love would cry if she knew why I hesitate. She seems too good to be true which caused a ravenous interest in those around me. Their question, what finally caused me to stir, and why? I can only see what I know to be true, and to honour these two ladies I must wait till I can soften my heart to calm their tears. I never would have thought I would so easily read lips, or get whipped. I know I’m probably starting to sound obsessed, and need to let things be. However I think I’ll stay quiet for a while with this comment.

    Life is strange, and getting stranger. I want her to know I want to be there, but my path is taking me in a direction that may take some time to get back to her. Unless, however she wants to follow me down this unknown trail I seem to be conserving. My eye is set on helping those that feel trapped by what holds them back.

    #172225
    Ron
    Participant

    Now that I’ve passed the worst of my brush with the other side I’m left with impressions that don’t quite fit yet. Yet! I find they fit, but till then I can’t say. Saturday October 7th I kept picturing someone stuck in the rain late at night. I can’t tell if the image is connected to someone else’s worry (survivors guilt), or the source of the image itself even though there is no connection to my own self (a random empathic connection).

    The nature around me tells me its happy I am here, protecting the smaller ones. I can’t help thinking of Kawawaymog lake, and the smallest pieces pointing me to look behind it toward wet lake.

    The advice I could get through was using white trees, and branches to point out where he was. My gift is slowly twisting as I try to sort out the how, and why.

    #172675
    Ron
    Participant

    My emotions are mirrored in the world around me. If I’m cold my empathy brings me to cold. If I’m scared the same happens. Happy brings happy, and so forth.

    So, I work on my Grandfather’s trail. A 5km. trail that leads out to a point of land, and back. Perfect for a good run, and there are even spots to lay down to take a nap. If you don’t mind the occasional bear, or can appreciate why a tail comes in handy when dealing with mosquitoes.

    The downside. I may be becoming friends with the chipmunk’s, and am picking up their way of laughing.

    #172975
    Ron
    Participant

    I find myself thinking of my new profile picture, and find I would like to have someone relaxing beside me in warmer temperatures. Winter, and Christmas will be interesting though. Its going to be funny to find out how hard it is to learn to use snowshoes.

    I’m even trying to figure out how the profile picture makes me feel connected, and seen by the object of my new affection. Yes, the woman who stole my heart by saying those words I needed to hear has somehow seen it. No tears in her eyes now, and that makes me happy.

     

    #173187
    Ron
    Participant

    Sleepless night’s are strange. I mean after working outdoors for 12 hours, I should be in dreamland. I find that I drift from emotion to emotion in my musings. I could feel a release into sleep from my love, and a few pleasant thoughts. I could even sense a shift into worry over something I couldn’t see, and my emotions shifted further. A lot farther, from this point in time. I thought of an old friend who in her sleep clenched her hands. Its strange to consider that she might’ve been thinking of me while getting ready for work. If that doesn’t fry your noodle, then this next one should. I think a tree I knocked over earlier is being gnawed on by a beaver. I’m told they eat the bark to fatten up for winter.

    Now, however I need to try get some more sleep. The noodle remark, though quickly typed has stirred up a sadness. Maybe, I’ll listen to some chilledcow to help me sleep.

    #173203
    Ron
    Participant

    That worked, but now I’m craving noodles. I’ll have to wait a week, being stuck in the bush like I am. For the time being I might quote a book I was reading, and found it funny to consider. The book, Emotional Awareness, a conversation between the Dalai Lama, and Paul Ekman PH.D., had a section where Dr.Ekman was explaining the physiological aspects of fight or flight responses. A fight response causes blood to flow to the hands to hit, and flight responses cause blood to flow to the legs to prepare to run. His holiness respond with a quick quip “But you can kick someone.”. I appreciate how he focuses on alternate choices to help shed light on different aspects of the same conversation.

    #173617
    Ron
    Participant

    It just occured to me how thouroughly I’ve been meditating, but not on mindfulness. I’ve been using a self taught yoga meditation. Its been a very helpful tool while my concussion damage healed. There are a bit of left over concepts to digest, but the majority of them have been sorted out. Namely, the woman who stole my heart. In the last five months, my short term memory holes, have been strengthened by my overpowered long term memory. Now comes the arduous task of finding her again, based on her words, and a vision of her eyes, and lips. Those words I hold dear won’t be repeated by me, and are safe in her hands.

    #173915
    Ron
    Participant

    I was daydteaming for the first time in a while, when the strangest story flashed before my eyes. I spotted a car in a news story, and knew how they felt. Strangely it was about the overbearing nature of knowledge…. Sidetracked. Sorry. It ended with the strangest connection forming about a cat’s cradle with a button on it. A childhood toy of the earlier part of the century. I’m suddenly wondering what happened to that particular button.

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 37 total)

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