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I am not able to move on

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  • October 21, 2024 at 10:28 am #438893
    Manjot
    Participant

    I thought she was the one. We were the best atleast I thought this relationship was great. I’m an ambivert type of guy I enjoy to stay alone but occasionally I’m the most extroverted. She loved my personality at least I thought she loved. We were dating for a year then a rough patch started things started getting out of hand. I was always positive that things will eventually get better soon everything will be alright. It is we need to get through this rough time together. Even though I was the one getting the most hurt I chose to stay.

    Then after some time her parents got to know about the relationship and they separated us. I was devastated, I told her that I will do anything to get back together, you just need to believe in me. Speak with your parents, let me speak with them. Let my parents speak with yours eventually they’ll agree.

    But what happened was that she didn’t care, she acted as if I meant nothing to her or as if this relationship was nothing that we never existed. That whole one year suddenly meant nothing to her. I was so so hurt, I wanted to kill my self. The thing was in this rough patch she started losing feelings or maybe she started moving on because she didn’t thought I was the one.

    Few days pass, then weeks then months. Now it’s been 4 months since that happened and I think she has completely moved on and is now dating someone. And it destroys me that it was so easy for her to move on and I’m here finding the courage to go on with life everyday. I thought that one day in future well again date we’ll be together, I’ll be able to love her again. But when I got to know that she is now dating someone I don’t feel so well.

    Her parents stoped her from dating me, I thought it was her parents always that she never wanted to contact me after maybe if her parents allow she’ll date me, but now seeing her dating new guy I don’t think this was the case, she was never afraid of her parents she just wanted to breakup and it was the best excuse. If only she would’ve been completely open about her feelings that she don’t feel it anymore then I would’ve let her go even though if it would’ve wretched my heart.

    But she lied. I feel betrayed. I feel used. Maybe she never loved me. Maybe she never thought I was the one for her. Maybe she never thought she ever wanted to be with me.

    I feel really miserable right now. Time hasn’t been kind to me. I really need help. I don’t know how long I’ll be able to bear this pain. We see each other everyday in class and seeing her with her new boyfriend I feel devastated.

    Please help me.

     

    October 21, 2024 at 11:22 am #438898
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Manjot:

    If I understand correctly, the two of you dated for a year, and at the end of the year (4 months ago), she told you that because her parents disapproved of the relationship, she had to break up with you, but you suspect that she was not honest with you (that she lied to you), and that the real reason she broke up with you was that “she didn’t care… I meant nothing to her“. Recently, you found out that she is dating someone new.

    “I feel betrayed. I feel used. Maybe she never loved me. Maybe she didn’t think I was the one.. I feel really miserable right now. Time hasn’t been kind to me. I really need help. I don’t know how long I’ll be able to bear this pain. We see each other everyday in class and seeing her with her new boyfriend I feel devastated. Please help me.“-

    – I understand that you feel very, very hurt. Clearly, you grew very much emotionally attached to her. It would be very painful for anyone in your place (being very emotionally attached to a person, then broken up with, and lastly seeing the person you are still attached to.. with someone else).

    In your pain, you see things in extremes. It’s probably not that she never loved you, but that she loved you but doesn’t anymore. She may love the new guy now, but that doesn’t mean that she will love forever.

    The two of you are very young (college?) and breakups and heartaches are common, especially in your ae group. There are many people experiencing your pain. You are not alone. This pain will pass, hopefully sooner than later.

    It is difficult for you to move on because (1) you attend the same school and you see her (and her new love-interest) every day in class, and (2) unlike her, you are not dating someone new. Dating someone new often weakens the emotional attachment to a previous romantic partner. Did you have any desire, in the last 4 months, to date someone new, or were you curios about such a possibility?

    anita

     

    October 22, 2024 at 4:05 am #438908
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Manjot

    I’m sorry to hear about your break up and that your ex has started dating and you see her in class. That must be really hard for you.

    It sounds like she was your first love? The early ones are always the hardest because it involves learning about the dating process. Going into things with an open heart, expecting things to work out is how you get hurt. Sadly, reality often doesn’t work out that way. It is a hard lesson to learn but it will get easier in time. Next time, you will not expect so much because now you know that sometimes things don’t work out and this will help you to protect your heart. The pain will pass in time. I promise! Please take extra care of yourself during this difficult time.

    In the future, be careful not to threaten to hurt yourself when you have a break up.

    Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏

     

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