I am swallowed by my negativity.

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    Trina Washington

    This new year was a great push for me to say ok Trina! Your going to do this! You are going to choose to be positive, your going to do affirmations, exercise regularly, start practicing yoga again, and go to the Spiritual Center regularly. Then the devil on my right shoulder says no! Negativity is safe, its comfortable, choose me. I have known the little devil for a long time and really the angel on the other side is way to quiet. I am so depressed. Its affecting everything in my life right now. Among school, work, and my very long distant relationship I feel like a zombie. I worry about everything and I try my hardest not to. I am so insecure, and I try to choose to be the other way but it just does not work. The way I feel does not correspond to the angel that says I am beautiful because the devil says “look at the your friend she is beautiful and everyone says it” I just want to feel hope and again, I honestly want to believe that things will better if I choose to believe that I am worth it and I have the potential to be a wonderful person. I really do not believe it though. For the sake of myself, my dreams, my relationship, my entire being, I want to feel the oneness and joy I read about.



    I’m sorry for your suffering, dear sister, and know how dim things can get when we become overstressed. Sometimes when we have lots of little stressors (and some big ones) we quickly become drained. Then we zombie around until we feel crappy enough to do something about it. That’s actually a great thing, because we see the zombie mental state, and can choose to grow a new one! Said differently, we quickly get tired of feeling like crud, so we learn to grow our light. A few things came to heart as I read your words.

    Consider that it makes sense that you’d try to bounce into affermations, self help plans, exercise, and so forth. After all, you’re looking for your joy, contentment, and peace, which makes sense. Often though, we lose inspiration… all these activities take our precious strength, and after a short while we stop them all, or nearly. Consider instead a different strategy. Work on growing the light first, then go sort out the rest. Said differently, when we’re suffering with a lot of stress, instead of pushing even harder into some “growth spurt” of positive activity, push yourself into self nurturing, and land, take time, come home, relax. Recharge your body. Hop in the tub with candles, go for a walk in nature, play… whatever it is that helps you relax and unwind. You have a tender heart, and it deserves your gentleness. Take time to be nice to it!

    One of my favorites is loving kindness meditation. Buddha taught that metta (loving kindness) helps the mind become soft, smooth. Consider “Sharon Salzburg guided metta meditation” on youtube, if interested.

    Don’t be ashamed of your emotions, dear sister, even when you’re feeling crappy. As you share them, instead of bottle them, it really helps to let the past settle and move on with freshness. If you don’t have a close confidant (not the bf) to unwind with, be honest with, cry with, then consider doing some journaling or kick boxing or something, let it out. Namaste, my sweet sister, may your journey sprout with joy.

    With warmth,

    ToBeOr NotToBe

    I’m feeling very similar but may be slightly different.. bad enough nonetheless.

    I feel no resolve to do regular meditations, no resolve to workout, conflicted about all choices going forward, even though I know I’m a good person, I feel unhappy.
    My family feels that I’m too cold, distant, emotionally unavailable. They all feel alone around me and hurt as well.
    I have been starting new practices for a while and dropping them 3 days later, then come back a week later with a new attempt at something.
    Nothing seems to give a decent enough positive feedback to want to continue or a larger problem affects my initial boost and I get off the track again.

    Trina Washington

    I am the same exact way. I get determined to do things and it just seems that I give up easily but I really do not know how to stay committed to things, especially if im just feeling the everyday sadness. I feel I am such a weak person and I am really embarrassed about the things I choose and the way I act sometimes. I know that feeling guilt and regret does not do anything but I regret so much of what I do. I really do not feel like im good enough.

    Trina Washington


    Thank you so much for your words. I think I will take a step back and relax and accept myself. When I think about it I just constantly want to be different and that is not truly loving myself. It is going to still be difficult but really I just want peace. Like I just want to feel some joy so I gotta start with the light. Thank You again



    Wow, This blog is saving me somehow to not drain into negativity. Trina, I share exactly the same feelings.
    I feel insecure for don’t know what!
    I feel people don’t like me!
    I feel I’m not a good person!
    I feel I’m not funny!
    I feel I cannot make people around me happy!

    Of late I had been watching some videos on building self-esteem and self-respect, and I think that’s where my problem lies… Let’s see if it helps me to be a confident person.

    Lots of positivity to you!

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