Hi Life

Can i suggest that you make some time to go and watch Gravity in 3D if you have not already done so. I think you will get your answers by the end of the movie.

Sending heaps of positive energy your way,

J

Life,

I’m sorry for your suffering, and can understand why you’re looking for some relief. Sometimes when we’ve been in an intimate relationship, we associate our feelings with them, such as “she made me love” and “she makes me miserable”. This is false, we actually own our own feelings, and the misery and pain we experience is from breaking attachment. Said differently, she isn’t the woman you wished she was, and that brings pain. A few things came to heart as I read your words.

Imagine, for a moment, sitting in the desert alone. The rocks around you, the sand, cactuses, sun overhead. Then, a rattlesnake comes along, and you become its friend. Perhaps you notice how different you are from a snake, standing upright, mobile and so forth. However, you’ve been lonely, sitting in the dessert for a long time, so even though its a snake, you choose to cuddle with it. Then she bites you, fangs deep in your skin, venom shooting through your veins.

Now, in this moment, after the bite, perhaps a lot of stuff comes to mind. “Why did she do that?”. “How could she do that?”. This is like blaming the snake for being a snake. You cuddled with a snake, don’t be foolish and blame someone else… you saw it long before she bit you. Perhaps you might look to the sky and blame god, the universe, whomever, for sending the snake to you. That is foolish, you chose to cuddle. Instead of getting mad and stomping around (adding speed to the venom) like a fool, you need to attend your body. Stop staring at the snake, stand up, brush off the dust from your butt, and get to town.

Said differently, it is very natural to want to point and blame and understand and self criticize… but the venom is making everything blurry. The grief you’re feeling is clouding your mind, and so seeking answers won’t help, or much. Now is perhaps a much better time to self nurture, be kind to yourself, surround yourself in brightness and laughter. Watch a comedy, take a bath, go to an arcade, go for a run…. set down the self berating and find some stuff to do that helps your emotions settle, helps you relax. Look, she is obviously a troubled being, and not a very good fit for you. That isnsad for her, but you get wrapped up in blaming her for what she is doing. That’s like blaming a snake for biting us. She suffers, and does all sorts of unskillful crap because of her own side of things. Its not about you, its about her. We don’t blame snakes for being snakes, birds for being birds, trees for being trees, why blame a fool for acting foolish?

Consider that she treated you like shit. Yep, no denying. She bit you. Yep, no denying. But what you’ve done since then is simply punch at a wall over and over and cry to the world that your hands hurt. I’m empathetic to your pain, dear brother, and hold no judgment for you. Consider accepting your fate, instead of shock, bewilderment, and self indulgence. Wah wah wah, how could she blah blah blah. Oh, this hurts more than I can blah blah blah. This is just lamentation, or grief festering. So suck it up, accept you got bit, and work to let it go.

This will take time and pain to heal, much like physical therapy for a pulled muscle. Yes, your mind will run off blaming the snake, again, for being a snake. And there you will be, trying to self nurture and let go, accept. Yes, anger will flash up, and you’ll punch and scream and kick, and then turn to self nurturing and let go, forgive. It gets easier and easier each time, so its always a good time to start.

Then, perhaps you will make better choices in the future, be more discerning and patient as you decide how and when to be intimate with women. Said differently, when we self nurture, we dispell the loneliness that makes “any port” or “any creature” look appealing. When we love ourselves, care for ourselves, we have the nourishment we need to approach intimacy with balance, consideration, and patience. Instead of “oh yes, hooray for you! Oooww, why did you bite me!”

With warmth,
Matt