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I can't handle being alone anymore

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  • June 1, 2018 at 8:52 am #210321
    Alyssa
    Participant

    I dont know how much more i can take of going to school, coming home, laying on my bed with my phone and staying there all day until i go to bed just to repeat it the next day. I kinda have friends but they’re always busy and make plans without me. My best friend got a boyfriend and i dont see her anymore because shes always busy with him.

    I can feel myself getting weaker and weaker, i haven’t eaten in 2 days, barely have had water, and a constsnt ache. I feel like nobody cares about me and no matter how hard i try nothing works. I reach out and message new people and after the convo i reach out again, and again. I always start the convo, nobody ever reaches out to me. Sometimes they dony even reply. I feel so unloved and empty. Snapchats map doesnt help, ive developed a habit of checking it a lot and seeing everyone out doing stuff and then theres my bitmoji, at home like always.

    I have internet friends and am in a LDR and theyre great but i still get so lonely irl. I just want to talk to someone and go do things with them. Ive had really dark and dangerous thoughts towards myself and the voice gets louder every day. And everything ks such a blur now. I cry so much and I’m always exhausted. Im suffering so badly and all i want is a friend to spend time with. I dont know how much more of this i can take, i need to get out. It hurts so badly, i feel like im suffocating. Like im screaming into an empty void for help and nobody can hear me no matter how loud i scream. I just can’t handle it anymore and i dont know what to do. I dont wanna die, i have pets i adore. But i jusy cant take any more crying, anymore choking on my sobs, anymore dizziness from lack of nourishment and oxygen. I just cant

    June 1, 2018 at 9:42 am #210343
    Breathe
    Participant

    Take it easy on yourself.  I know exactly how you feel.  You sound like a relatively gregarious and action oriented person who likes to do things with people- in the physical world.  I got thinking about this too – keeping in touch with friends and relatives, working, errands, relationships, life upgrades are increasingly happening online so the real world physical eye contact stuff is getting eroded.  Looks like you are also on top of generally making plans etc so when they do not materialize, feels weird, yet weirder when your friends are involved.  The world is headed this way and you have to give yourself that small chance (through the foggy headspace right now) to become your own best friend and talk yourself through future fun times.  Sounds strange and exhausting as nothing replaces social company but once you build this small self-entertainment console in your head, your subconscious will start sending happy vibes when you do these things – therefore making you feel ‘accomplished’.  Maybe this will also highlight 1 or 2 small skillsets you can build for yourself – yoga/ meditation and maybe public speaking :).  Be well.  If you’re in Toronto, I’ll buy you a beer.

    June 1, 2018 at 10:15 am #210351
    Mehdi
    Participant

    we have to practice enjoying of the moment that we are in. because our life is NOW. its hard and need practice but i suggest you work on it. and some how read some books about this.

     

    June 1, 2018 at 10:35 am #210359
    nextsteps
    Participant

    Hello,

    It’s good of you to reach out. I think many people can relate to the feeling of loneliness.

     

    My few suggestions:

    1) perhaps look at volunteering somewhere local to you or doing temp work e.g. in a bar rtf. It may not be what you’d like to do long term but it could get you out meeting people and focused on something.

    2) join an online challenge. In the UK there is a challenge starting on 1 June called 30 days wild, encouraging people to take a photo and post what they are doing outside for a whole month. You could get involved with that on Twitter and think of your own challenges.

     

    3) focus on learning a new skill or small project. I understand this wont cure the loneiness but it could help distract you for a short while. When I felt lonely I started to make a bird box and just focusing on something made me feel more positive.

     

    Could you also look at getting some work experience in your chosen area of interest -this will help you make use of your time now and be useful in your future career?

    A good book on modern day loneiness is called: Eleanor Oliphant is completely fine. If you don’t like reading that’s okay, it’s just a suggestion.

    I recall feeling lonely as a child/teenager and still feel lonely now at times. I think it’s like was said above- we are getting more focused in our heads and online and less on our bodies and in person which makes us feel lonely. It’s not just you that feels that way (though it may seem like it). I imagine lots of tiny bhudda posters and just people in general have felt lonely at some point. I think its part of being human.

     

    Take good care of yourself. Happy to continue talking on here anytime you need a friend.

     

    June 3, 2018 at 8:36 am #210539
    Dewi
    Participant

    Hello Alyssa,

    I think we have same problems here. Sadly, I don’t have any internet friends. I have best friend, but I think she is forgetting about me and want to cut our relationship since she is now living in another country, has boyfriend, planning to get married and still continuing her study. I have two friends that understand me so much better but lately since we are too busy with our works, that connection getting weaker. I will meet them next week, anyway. Hopefully I can end this awkwardness.

    in my school days, I always cornered and get the wrong judgement and punishment for the things I had not done. it’s happened because I was forced to do it. After being betrayed for so many times, I surrender. I don’t need any friends and it’s fine for being alone since you won’t get hurt. But in my university time, I choose university that it doesn’t have any connection with any connection with my past (since I grew up in the same city and my parents won’t let me go to another city). I changed myself, tried to be more opened and it works! I have many friends that I can really believe (this is the story for my current two friends, actually there are 5, but I’m closer with these two) and it lasts until now.

    When I started to working in another city, I found myself alone. really alone. Without my family, friend I could really believe. My story just like you. Crying every night. Wear clothes, go to work, back home, and sleep. It IS really suffocating, indeed. But  after reading your story and after I studying why am I become like this… It is human’s nature to be social and private. It is normal.

    I even tried to suicide. I was so desperate. I know no ones care about me since what they really care is THEMSELVES. How many times I got betrayed in the past told me this so that I won’t believe in anyone anymore. EVER. But I know, eventually, everything will changed. I have boss that believed  in me (well, it’s for work too) but here I am, still can’t move from the past. Having a war with ourselves is the toughest one. I admit it.

    But please don’t give up. Even now you are walking in the rough path where there is no light and the path is so rough while you walk on it barefoot, please believe in tomorrow. Time will healing you. I believe, someone will reach out for you in the real world life.

    it’s like I’m encouraging myself too..

    Maybe this can help you, try to watch movie with genre mystery detective (murder case), law, criminal. Usually they will ended it with solution and teach us how to hang in there with ourselves. Personally, I will choose japan drama or movie, mostly have morals teaching, but sometimes it just psychopath..

    hopefully this can help you..

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