The past year has been really hard. My partner and I tried for a baby and we succeeded straight away. Unfortunately I miscarried at 10 weeks – it was the most physically and emotionally traumatic experience of my life. The grief took a few weeks to properly hit me, but when it did I felt as if my life was falling apart.

My partner couldn’t seem to understand – he wasn’t the most emotionally intelligent of people, could be very cold and distant – and his job was really demanding, so we just kind of drifted apart over the next 6 months. I thought we could work through it, I thought it was just a rough patch we were going through. But then he told me he changed his mind and didn’t want a baby with me or anyone else. He said he didn’t want the hassle and expense.

We kind of muddled on for another month, but it all blew up a couple of weeks ago and we split up. I’ve moved out, found another place to live. I feel like all the grief I have is for my failed pregnancy – I’m not even sure I miss him really. I’m confused if I really wanted him, or did I just want a family so badly I was willing to overlook the fact we might not have been suited to each other. Which fills me with horror! Did I become one of those crazy women who would stop at nothing to have a child? I never thought that would be me…

I can’t stop thinking that I’ve messed up my life. I’m 39 years old, I’ve always wanted a family, but time went by so quickly in my 20s and 30s – I was travelling the world and working.. I feel that time has slipped by so quickly, and I’ve wasted it.

I’m really struggling to come to terms with my miscarriage – I wanted my baby so much, I was so happy and excited when I found out I was pregnant. I’m crying myself to sleep every night, and the sense of loss is so heavy I can’t seem to move on from it. This breakup seems to have churned all that back up again.. will I always feel this level of grief? It’s been 8 months.. How can I move on?