Hi I read about your situation and could immediately connect with mine. My ex-girlfriend broke up with me 3 months ago. We also had a long-distance relationship, and everything was getting hard towards the end and she told me she could not do it anymore. Ever since I have been thinking about her every moment of everyday, at first the pain was unbearable but it gets better after 2-3 months. I am telling you this to let you know that you are not alone, and what’s most important is please take care of your health and DO NOT do anything that you might regret later (e.g: new fling, new relationship, become alcoholic, etc) just to have a feeling of moving on. A lot of people do that kind of things and trust me it does not help you becoming a better/more confident person at the end of the day.

I know the emotions can be overwhelming (you might not believe it especially from a guy, but trust me I have been feeling emotions so intense I could hardly function in any other aspect of my life, and imagine guys are normally socially expected not to cry/show emotions, so most of the time I had to hide the turmoil I had inside) but for you perhaps spending more time with close friends and family members, telling them your thoughts would temporarily help.

After a while, you will have moments when emotions subside and you can actually have some serious, objective thoughts about yourself, about him and about the relationship. If objectively you seriously think that he was a good guy, doesn’t lie or cheat and actually cared about you, then although he could have done something that contributed to the break up as well, you have to objectively admit that you also did things that you shouldn’t have done, but that doesn’t mean that there’s no chance of you guys getting back together. Because I discovered myself that true love is not just feelings but about patience, being kind and forgiveness, if you really think that you can sincerely say sorry about your lies to him and think that he has the capacity to forgive, why not give it a chance instead of letting a good guy slip out of your hand?

Now there’s a chance that he might have moved on/with another girl, and you have to face that possiblility too, but from a guy’s perspective I think if he is mature enough and actually care about you he wouldn’t move on so fast, he might be just very disappointed in what happened (I myself have been single for 3 months and actually still have very strong feelings for my ex, so I don’t want to hurt somebody else by trying to be in relationship just to “move on”). If he moved on you have to respect his decision, but never assume so until you know for sure. But if he hasn’t moved on and you want to get back with him, make sure to be sincere in your intention to build up trust TOGETHER AGAIN and not to expect that he would be making you happy all the time.

Lastly I think that a lot of time people say you have to be happy being single in order to be happy with somebody else, but that’s not the reason why you have to break up with a good partner just to see how happy you can be being single. I think we as humans has a natural desire to feel deeply connected with someone, so don’t think that if you are constantly thinking of someone that means you are too dependent on the person and you are desperate. You are just normal like everyone else. You might still need to learn how to change from the mindset of expecting someone to bring you happiness to learning how you can work together with someone to create and maintain happiness in a relationship (I am reflecting and learning that as well). Afterall humans can of course survive after heartbreaks and being single, but I don’t think I can truly LIVE if I don’t take the risks of being with someone and discover together what true love means.

You’re comments and perspectives make so much sense and is helping me a ton. I just broke up a long distance relationship that has been on-going for 1.5 years. It’s a painful thing to go through…I didn’t want to end it but it had to stop for many reasons. Wish it could be easier but it’s the worse when all you think about is that person…

Hi,

Just give it time, it seems to me that you know what’s been wrong with the relationship the whole time, and you see the faults you’ve made with your relationship. Forgive yourself and give yourself time to heal. You know what to do, you know what went wrong, what you do now is try to move on work on yourself, love yourself more so in your next relationship you wont make the same mistakes again. You are not alone, we all go through this so we can learn and become a better person and a better partner.

I’m divorced 15 years ago & no one guy in my life after that until last year i met someone from social networking, it was relationship for long-distance, we were great together and all went well until a month ago he broke up our relationship with the reason is he can’t go on because it’s not working. I met him on March 2014, i asked him, is he has wife? And he said that he is on divorce process just waiting the approval from the priest but he got the approval paper from local government to approve their divorce process (i’m not checking up….it was stupid i’m). A month after that we continue to serious relationship. Everything is going well at that time, we talked & discuss everything via telephone, whatsapp, viber or others and everyday we meet on skype. Oneday he back to his country to celebrate of Easter and also for consult/mediation for their divorce process..he said. A month after that he is back to country of place he work with his wife & he told me that sorry we can’t divorce because family & priest didn’t gave approval. But he still want us to be together,so we decided to continue, just let it flow…..another stupid i’m. Until last January 2015 everything still well but at the end of January, i called him to his cellular like usual, He didn’t answer me. 6 hours after that he called me & got really angry, he said that i’m disturbing him. And only with that reason he decided to broke up our relationship..that’s it. I’m shocked & desperate. I send some of our intimate chat & picture of him to his wife. I feel want to revenge, if he broke me he has too. I’m very angry, it’s really hurt, why he do that to me. With nothing special reason suddenly he broke up. Until now i always blamed myself why i called him. I can’t let him go, I still need him, I want his back to my life. I don’t have any family or friend. My family don’t want to know about me since 25 years ago when I’m married with my ex-husband. My friends run away from me when I’m in the bad situation of marriage and financial. So, I’m alone in this world until I met him, so that’s why i’m depended on him. It have been 2 month I’m not be with him but everyday I’m still crying. How to move on?? Please help me, I don’t know what I have to do now. I’m resign from my work 3 months ago so I’m at home just thinking of him always. Now i can saw him..maybe he has girl friend now. because his whatsapp, viber, glide or skype always busy..he always online. I can’t stop to stalking him but it’s really hurt to see he is online. My daughter always angry if I’m doing that. Now I’m still thinking to send all of his intimate picture to his office to make him also broken like me. Can I do that? Please help me, how to stop to thinking him. I still need him to come back to me.

Thank you very much for your advise & support. I will try to do as what you said to me. But need a process to be like you. Sometime i’m really tired with what i’m thinking about him in my mind while he’s not thinking about me. I want to pass all of this but need some time and i need also someone who can always support me and can give the time to consult/discuss. Can yo do that for me? Can i get yr email or telephone that can make us easy to connecting? My email : rnknti@yahoo.com
Again, thanks a lot.