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I cheated

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  • #204005
    Jane
    Participant

    Hello All,

    This past weekend, I got blackout drunk and did something I regret. I have never cheated on my SO in the past (been tufter 4 years) and I will NEVER do so again. I don’t even remember getting to my house (how I got there, how I got inside, etc.) I feel like my memory was wiped. Next thing I remember was waking up.

    My genital area hurt and my tampon was lodged inside of me. I then had a flashback that my friend was over in my bed & I asked him to leave. I do not know how he got there or why. I know he was inside of me at some point because I told him to stop and that I couldn’t do this to my partner. I do not know who initiated.

    I love my SO more than anything in the entire world and it is eating me up inside. I feel like a piece of trash. I know he is planning to propose soon and I don’t feel I deserve it.

    Forgive me if this is not the right place to be posting, but I can’t help feel that I cheated on the absolute love of my life. I feel sick to my stomach and could really use some advice.

    I hate myself so much and I don’t know what to do.

    #204063
    Beth
    Participant

    Jane, I can relate.  I did this once also and it was only because I was  drunk.  Move on, pray about it and pay better attention to how much you are drinking.  Don’t hate yourself; just don’t do it again and don’t get drunk like that.   And if the person is a temptation to you, stay away from him also.  Don’t take the guilt to the extreme; cut yourself a break.  It was a mistake and you don’t have to make the mistake again.  Good luck!  I’ll offer up a prayer.

    #204085
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Jane:

    Can you share more about what happened to have led to this unfortunate and distressing situation: how did it come about that you drank so much that you lost consciousness and how did it come about that you were in the presence of a male friend while being drunk?

    What has transpired with that friend (is he a friend) since?

    anita

    #204207
    ally
    Participant

    Jane,

    I am so sorry you are going through this, honestly this sounds like an assault to me. If you dont remember how, why, or what happened- there was no way for you to consent. “I asked him to leave” – again it doesnt sound like you were consenting. I would look up articles on sexual assault and see if that fits the profile of what you can remember that night.

    #204399
    Flavia
    Participant

    I have been there too. But consciously. I know one thing: you should tell him everything. Like you, I was caught up in a whirl of guilt that was eating me alive. You begin to feel unworthy, and this will, in some way, appear in the relationship. To live hiding something is a nightmare. You should make it all clear and accept the consequences. I don’t say it like a judge in a trial, remember that you’re not really guilty of anything, I say it because it is the only thing that will bring peace to both of you. Can you imagine building a marriage over this? Is it fair to you or to him? Can you live like this? I imagine you can’t. If you’re feeling bad about yourself is because you understand you did something you think you shouldn’t. You think you shouldn’t have done that because that was inconsiderate to other human, that is empathy. You are a bright light in this world just for that. Don’t believe thoughts of guilt, guilt doesn’t help, it never helps. Acknowledging you had behavior that may have caused harm to others is still not a reason enough to feel guilt. Its only reason enough to commit to not having this behaviour again, that’s all. You only need to accept what happened, FORGIVE YOURSELF, look yourself in the eye in the mirror and believe you’re good, you’re a compassionate human and deserves love and caring from others and FROM YOURSELF. Stand with your head up, take in all, accept all, AND SHARE EVERYTHING WITH YOUR PARTNER. Even your fears and axieties, your most inner self.

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