Dear cjf2190:

You wrote that you had therapy in the past. I think you didn’t have enough therapy, especially if in the therapy you had you didn’t examine the problems in your original family adequately.

Your craving now with your boyfriend is the same craving you had as a child, isn’t it? Isn’t it the fear of being alone, unloved, uncared for that you still fear day in and day out and crave for him to calm your fear?

If so, that original fear, of you as a child, that needs to be examined, understood and soothed in the context of psychotherapy with a competent, empathetic therapist in addition to your relationship. It would also be a good idea, I believe, if after some therapy, you introduce your boyfriend to the therapist so to work on the relationship, on a workable balance between together and alone.

anita

Hi cjf2190,

I’m scared you’ll push the poor guy away with your neediness. Self sufficiency is like a muscle. Try going for one day without “I need you”/”I love you”/”sex?”/etc. He might be pleasantly surprised. Everyone needs a vacation of sorts. Even from things they love, you know?

Then work up to one week of non-neediness.

Then when you do say, “I love you, need you, etc.” he will be all YES!!

Best,

Inky

Dear cjf2190:

To feel authentic, to not feel like you are playing a game, it takes looking into the core problem and re-integrating feelings you separated from (but these feelings are still there under the surface).

You wrote: ” I don’t remember feeling unloved, i just know as a family we weren’t close”- Love is closeness, by definition, so when you know there was no closeness in your family- it means there was no love (or very little of it, not enough).

You wrote: “It doesn’t upset me either…” – it being the lack of closeness. This is what I mean by separation from one’s feelings and the need to re-integrate those feelings. It must have upset you then and without your awareness, it still does- that is why you are craving it so much.

Post again, if you’d like.

anita

Hi, I hope you read this post Claref.  When I read this post I felt like you are talking about me. I feel your every word. I realized this craving is due to the low production of hormone Oxytocin. Getting massage will help. But eating some high energy foods, like sesame seeds works great. Getting enough sunlight in the morning and evening is the other  best solution. Please concentrate on correcting this hormone. There’s a brightside video on youtube which talks about correcting all the hormones: “How Hormones Influence You and Your Mind”.  When you correct all hormones in your body, you will feel balanced in body, mind and soul. Life will flow beautifully. You can try Yoga.

-Your Wellwisher 🙂

Omg claref you sound exactly like me. I hope that you have found a fulfilling solution, and that you are feeling more secure and happy in love now in 2018. I am the same way and idk how to deal with it sometimes.