I dated a guy for only a month and I can't get over him

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This topic has 4 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 6 years, 5 months ago by Anonymous.

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June 26, 2018 at 8:44 am #214209

KarenNguyen
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I dated this guy for a month and a half. At first I didn’t that really into him but he really liked me and I was just sorta dragged into the relationship but then my feelings for him developed. I’m 22 and he’s the first guy I ever dated (lame, i know) but he dumped me after dating for a month and a half. I was really devastated. Two months later, at the end of May, he texted me but my replies were really dry even though I was really excited and overwhelmed with joy. He sensed that and stopped after 30 minutes of talking and I have been regretting acting cold towards him every single day ever since. Why am i so attached to him? I only dated him for a short amount of time and I spend 3 times longer than our dating time mourning over him.

June 26, 2018 at 11:08 am #214273

Anonymous
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Dear KarenNguyen:

I think you are so attached to him because it is human nature to get attached. The first and strongest emotional attachment we experience is to a parent, the parent most present with us. From then on we get attached to other people.

I don’t view it as something strange that you got attached to him during the first month of dating. And for as long as you don’t have a new relationship, you may feel attached to him for a long time.

Why did he break up with you?

anita

June 26, 2018 at 11:22 am #214279

Magoolina
Participant

hi karennguyen,

You probably feel attached because he was your first relationship. That is perfectly normal. However, if he truly wanted to keep dating you, your “coldness” wouldn’t have kept him away. When a guy wants to be with a woman, he pursues her. If he’s “on and off”, then he’s not interested in commitment, he just wants some temporary company. I’d say you dodged a bullet, and it would do you well to heal and move on.

Of course that is the question, right? How to let go when you don’t feel like you can. I’d say call your friends, go do the activities that you usually enjoy, even if you can’t find the joy in them right now. Keep busy, distract yourself. Next thing you know you’ll be into what you’re doing and then you’ll realize you didn’t even think about him. It’ll get easier. Breakups are always hard at first. Don’t judge yourself for your feelings for him, just accept what they are and then focus on something else.

Good luck!

Patty

June 27, 2018 at 11:46 am #214471
KarenNguyen
Participant
@anita: Thank you for your reply! He broke up with me because he said “that’s how he is”. He did mention quite a few times before that his previous relationships only last for 3 weeks and that he gets bored easily and he was always the one to say goodbye and he never dated anyone longer than me. What upsets me the most is that he made me think I’m the one for him as he let me see the sides of him he never showed anyone before and he said “I really thought I could be in a long-term relationship this time” when he broke up with me. He didn’t text me for a whole week but when I asked if something was wrong, he just said he had some work at uni that was really stressing him out and that I was just overthinking. Finally, when I wanted to meet or call him just so we could breakup properly, he refused to.

@Magoolina: Your words are so kind! I was starting to get over him but ever since he texted me on May 31st, it feels like I’m going through the first few stages of breakup again as I kept on waiting for his texts and crying. Going out with friends does help me somehow but there are days when my depression hit me and I can only stay in bed and again, mourning over him.

I decided to text him for the last time so that I could get rid of the regrets and the what-ifs from acting cold towards him and wish him a happy birthday and I’ll just let fate decide what’s best for us.
- This reply was modified 6 years, 5 months ago by KarenNguyen.
June 27, 2018 at 12:00 pm #214479

Anonymous
Guest

Dear KarenNguyen:

Maybe you got so attached to him because of this hope that you were “the one for him”, because you believed you were that special in his life, the first woman with whom he really thought he could be in a long-term relationship.

It is very powerful to feel that special, isn’t it?

* Will be away from the computer for about fifteen hours.

anita

June 28, 2018 at 8:38 am #214557

Shreya
Participant

Dear Karen,

I completely know what you are going through. I have never been through a breakup but have experienced rejection. It’s been two years but still those thoughts keep coming back to me. What I have recently learned is that we tend to ruminate over our past only because we wish to get answers for what went wrong. We are always running behind certainty. It gives us comfort and confidence. What I suggest is that start engaging into the habit of observing your thoughts and once you realise that your mind is wandering back to him, engage in some activity. Its completely normal for thoughts to come. It happens to all of us. And also remember that you were happy even before meeting him. So you can and will be able to be the happy version of you now as well!:)

Take care.
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