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I don't know if I'm in love anymore

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  • #150326
    Pharaohsoto
    Participant

    It hurts to say this.. But I don’t know if I love my boyfriend anymore.

    Some background

    I’m hiv+ and diagnosed bipolar recently I was positive before we started dating and once we started dating 5 months ago about 2 months in I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder

    I have a long history of being in multiple abusive relationships physical and emotional

    He looks past all my diseases and my fears and still chooses to love me for everything I am but he has a best friend who he use to like a lot and he’s a gay male as well.. thing is theyre always all over each other and when I went to the club they were dancing all over each other and their faces were so close it looked like they were about to kiss.. of course this isn’t the 1st time I’ve brought this issue up and each time he says “were two different people I’m not gonna choose between you and my best friend, I love you both equally and different” idk if I’m being too jealous or if I’m being crazy but this is defiently hindering my ability to love him.. I don’t know if I should accept and move on from my jealousy or if it’s time to just end things.

    #150356
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Pharaohsoto,

    I went through the same thing in college in that my boyfriend turned out to like men and women. Eventually he broke up with me because he wanted to experiment.

    Let me ask you this: If his best friend was a girl you would have every right to be “jealous” and “crazy” if you saw them in a club dancing all over each other. Right?

    Just because he loves you despite your illnesses doesn’t mean you don’t get to have preferences. You get to prefer a guy who’s into girls and into only you.

    My advice? Love him at a distance. Tell him you are casting him loose to experiment because you love him. That love comes in many forms. That you love him now as a friend. And that even though he would never choose between you and his best friend, you are choosing your well-being over him.

    Good Luck!

    Inky

    • This reply was modified 5 years, 4 months ago by Inky.
    #150366
    John
    Participant

    I wouldnt mind if my partner said they loved their  best friend but in a different way. But EQUALLY and in a different way would seem a bit much especially if they are dancing all over each other. I wouldnt want a hetero female partner to be dancing all over a hetero guy friend so I dont see why you should have to accept that behaviour.

    If you have any feeling left to salvage have you considered trying to talk about it again, but this time to make him understand that that you are not asking him to choose between you and his best friend? That you are only asking that he doesnt behave inappropriately with his best friend? ie. only dance that way with you?

     

    P.S. Inky, I think the OP is a male though they dont explicitly say so.

    #150370
    Inky
    Participant

    Apologies!

    I guess my advice would still apply for two guys:

    You are allowed to have preferences for someone who is totally into you. Dancing all over their best friend negates him being totally interested in you. If you feel something is “off” it probably is. And yes, you are allowed to break up with someone because you don’t feel good about the whole thing. Yes, even if you’re “jealous” and “crazy”.

    Actually, my daughter went through something similar, only with her BF and his best friend who was a girl. I told her that her jealousy was bred in the bone, that it’s natural. Culture tries to trick us into dishonoring our jealousy and natural instincts. I said that she’s not asking for much. And that she’s not a jealous person by nature. But the BF should cut it out (seeing her alone, etc.). What happened was he said, “I’m not going to stop seeing my best friend because of the principle of the thing!” My DD told him she was taking a break because it’s not working for her. He came back a week later when he realized his principles weren’t keeping him warm at night.

    You have to do what’s right for YOU!

    Inky

    #153352
    Momongirl
    Participant

    make your boyfriend choose, between you and her bestfriend. because every person in this world, cant love two people in the same.

    i wish you bunch of luck !

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