Hey bloo64,

As a fellow creative (visual arts), I can speak to what you’re going through a bit.

Music, like any passion, has its ups and downs. If you’ve ever been in a relationship, I’m sure you can remember the rush of falling in love, and then discovering that the object of your affection could not continually sustain such ardor indefinitely. On top of that, you find out things take work, which makes you question and doubt. Soon you are asking yourself, “is this right for me?”

One of two things happen: 1) you ride out the wave of insecurity and the work you put in pays off – you feel re-energized, and “fall in love” all over again…or 2) things get worse, what once was the center of your world is now a burden, and eventually you realize this is no longer right for you. You let it go.

So you see my friend, what you are experiencing is normal. I’ve fallen in and out of love with art multiple times. Sometimes I needed distance from it to re-ignite the flame, other times I just had to press on and make improvements to *myself* first (learn better time management so I could carve out an hour in the studio – eat better so I didn’t feel so drained and unable to sketch).

Taking a creative passion into a profession is no easy thing. Often this is what does people in. Music has become a chore for you. Don’t be afraid to take a break from it if need be. When you’ve re centered yourself then you can decide to continue on your education.

Julia Cameron’s book “The Artist’s Way” goes into your issue and many others facing visual artists, musicians, dancers, writers like you – I highly recommend.

Good luck!

Dear bloo64:

It is easy to get the outcomes in a computer game. It is fun. Everything you need is in one screen, you touch the computer keyboard or so, and things happen… like magic. All you do is touch and something you want appears, something you don’t want disappear. And then when you are tired of the game you turn it off. When you want it again you turn it on.

Life is different. It is a different kind of game, different rules. You touched the guitar and it felt like magic. Now here is the difference: there are no keys on a computer keyboard that you can touch and practice the guitar until you excel it in, until you become the best. You have to practice day in and day out, and have a whole lot of PATIENCE.

No need for much patience in a computer game. But oh, how much of it you need in life outside the computer!

You need to be creative. I understand that. You also need to develop patience, long term planning. You need to understand how things work outside a computer game. It is a different ball game.

What do you think?

anita

Dear bloo64:

As to your last line: no, you don’t have to solve this on your own. Often people need help. I wasn’t able to solve things on my own for decades! You do need people, but the right kind of people to help you, that is people who are able and willing to help you.

There is a “disturbance in the force” – in your brain, that is, a confusion, a misunderstanding and your brain thinks so very much in efforts to resolve the confusion. It will keep thinking and thinking until you get clarity.

To get clarity you need someone else’s help. It may be the help of a competent, empathetic psychotherapist.

And who knows, maybe I (not a therapist, a member here, like you) can help. I will try.

You wrote: “. But I’ve been practising for a month and I don’t really see results…which is frustrating…it seem like work…doesn’t feel like playing…when I do something I love shouldn’t that feel like play time ?”

When you play a computer game or when you operate anything electronic, you see the results right away so you get used to it. In life outside electronics this is not the reality. Everything is way, way… way slower. So you have to adjust your expectations to the medium. If the medium is a computer game, do expect quick results and that intense fun that comes with getting quick results. When the medium is other, expect slow results and often enough, no fun at all!

Oh, how we wish, don’t we, that life could be fun, fun and more fun. Not so in reality.

You asked: when you love something, like the guitar, shouldn’t it feel like play time?

Well, lets look at this: you touched the guitar, you felt magic, you felt love so you thought something like: This is it! This is what I want to do for the rest of my life, play the guitar, create beautiful music that will make people happy all over the world. This is what I was meant to do. I used to worry about what to do with my life, but problem solved (what a relief!) Now I know and I will now be able to live happily ever after.

Is it so?

Let me know and we’ll take it further.

anita

Dear bloo64:

You are afraid and angry. As to your language, these two words, next time be creative and find other words that don’t require you excuse them, will you?

You wrote that when you are not in the meditation process you feel like crap. Mindfulness is a term relating to … meditating all the time, that is paying attention throughout the day, no matter what you do, where you are.

If you pay attention, you learn. If you learn, you get clarity. Once you have clarity, your fear dissipates.

Self doubt about your abilities to play the guitar: can you list those thoughts in your next post? I will reply following.

anita

Dear bloo64:

There is a lot here, enough for many posts back and forth. I will start with the first thought

1) “If this is my life purpose, shouldn’t this be easy for me even if it’s hard ?”

Problem is in the question. There can’t be a correct answer to this question because the question is faulty. The fault is in the concept of a “life purpose”-

How do you define a “life purpose”?

anita

Dear bloo64:

What your core wants, is it not peace of mind, mental well being, no more war in-between-your-ears?

Isn’t your life purpose, that is, your purpose every moment of every day, and night, to be well in those few inches between your ears?

If this is so, then your life purpose is not in how well you play the guitar, but in how well you are when you play the guitar.

Your life purpose, do you agree, is to be well, to live and be well living?

anita