Home→Forums→Tough Times→I don't know what to do anymore…please help
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Anonymous.
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December 6, 2015 at 4:06 pm #89062
AnonymousInactiveSo I am almost done at my workplace I have one week or so until I finish. And I will get to see my girlfriend for Christmas. But now her own mother is controlling her and wont let me move to another state with them. She said that they will have to be living in a hotel until they can get their own place, or her mom will live at a hotel and my girlfriend will have to find her own place to stay and her own car, and basically starve for a while. Her mom was saying before that she had an apartment lined up for the three of us. She has a job already set up for when she gets there, but she needs a car to get there and doesn’t have one. Also her mother took her money that she earned after leaving this workplace I work at, and she wont let her spend any of it. She is controlling her own daughter and it feels like she is trying to tear us apart. Her mom doesn’t like me I can tell, because she thinks I am too negative of a person. I feel like giving up but I cant. My girl and I still are getting a place together and I still am going to that state with her, but I might have to live with my mom for a few months until my girlfriend can afford to get a place and come get me. Poor thing was crying on the phone when she was talking to me about it. She feels helpless right now and her mom is pretty much leaving her in the dark. If anyone has any advice for me and advice to tell my girlfriend please let me know. I would really appreciate the help.
ThanksDecember 6, 2015 at 4:59 pm #89066AnonymousGuestDear Unavailable:
My advice is the following: in previous threads you decided to make a life with your girlfriend. You did not write in the other thread that you decided to make a life with your girlfriend and her mother. If you choose to make a life with your girlfriend, she has to choose to leave her mother. She has to have no contact with her mother once she is with you.
anita
December 7, 2015 at 8:19 am #89138AnonymousInactiveHer mother was going to bring us both up there with her and let us stay with her until we could afford our own place. But that changed and now it might be a month or two maybe more until I can see her. And I understand that and I will tell her that’s what I think she should do, she doesn’t even feel like she has a mother anymore. But what should she do about her mother taking away her money, and controlling her?
December 7, 2015 at 8:47 am #89141AnonymousGuestDear Unavailable”
Your girlfriend’s mental problems, discussed in your previous threads, are intimately related to her mother. In the quest of HEALING, the quest your girlfriend must undertake for a good life, the quest necessary for your well being for as long as your life is tied with your girlfriend’s, you must remove the mother… she must remove her mother from her and your life. She cannot change her mother.
She must get away from her mother, completely terminate her relationship with her mother, have no contact, not live there, not have a telephone conversation with her, no birthday cards, nothing at all. She must no longer try to please her mother, try to get along with her mother or anything like that. If she can’t get her money back from her mother, then she cannot. She needs not be in a situation where it is at all possible for her mother to take away her money.
I would strongly suggest, Unavailable, that if your girlfriend is not willing to completely cut contact with her mother when you and her live together, that you think again. Or at least if she is not willing to minimize that contact so much that her mother is no longer a problem in your lives… And I mean minimize like maybe a birthday card once a year. Maybe.
anita
December 7, 2015 at 10:37 am #89146AnonymousInactiveAnita,
I understand what you are saying and I will do what I can to make sure that happens. I already cut ties with my father cause of how badly he treats me. I will let my girlfriend that she needs to do the same with her mom. I might not be able to make her, but I will let her know how I feel about it, and let her know its not healthy for her, she is already going through so much and this is making things worse for her. I already told her that she doesn’t deserve this and she knows that. I just hope that she will know and understand that she doesn’t need that in her life. Thanks Anita for your help. Can I write if I have any other questions?December 7, 2015 at 6:09 pm #89182AnonymousGuestDear Unavailable:
I like what you posted above and please do post anytime and I will continue to respond to you. You can post on this thread so we can follow prior communication. I do wish you and your girlfriend well!
anita
December 8, 2015 at 4:39 am #89218AnonymousInactiveOk I will do that when I have some new news. Thanks Anita 🙂 We definitely need it
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