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I dont want to visit my family

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This topic contains 3 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  anita 1 month, 2 weeks ago.

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  • #332209

    Lily
    Participant

    I live in another country to my family, about 6 hours flight. I normally see them every year, Im also the one who does all the contacting, keeping in touch and sending flowers for birthdays etc… My parents are separated (my brother, sister and myself are not close) and getting on in years; 80’s and early 90’s. I work hard all year and save as much as I can to go home to visit, but last year I decided not to and flew to Asia to see my daughter, had a great time. Anyway, this year I told myself I have to go home for that visit. Once again worked hard, saved hard and was planning the trip and I find out that most of my family will be going away doing their own thing for the xmas break and those who were staying around, didnt offer to put me up. I felt really hurt and changed my plans and said I would come over when everyone was back (about 6 weeks). I havent booked my flight but the time has come and I just dont want to go home, nobody has offered me a bed (except a couple of close friends) and I will have to go to 3 to 4 different places in the country to visit everyone, hire a care and by the sounds of it pay for accommodation. Why TF would I go, it just feels awful. I feel like I want to spend my hard earned dollars on something more exciting. I would feel bad if I didnt visit and my Mum & Dad doesnt last much longer and I also I keep telling my girlfriends that I will come over.

    What am I asking…well, am I justified in not going and feeling the way I do? My family arent horrible people but they are not overly social and stress at the smallest thing. My Dad cant put me up because he’s in a retirement village with no room, Everyone else has room. Oh and my friends over here (where I live) keep saying you have to go home, stop putting it off.

    #332307

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lily:

    I think that it’s fine and dandy if you don’t visit your parents this year. Postpone it to next Christmas, maybe even later than that.

    As to aging parents not having “much longer”, being in their 80s and early 90s, this means that you are.. aging as well, in your fifties perhaps, maybe getting close to 60. You need to take care of yourself, your health, save your money for your own old age,  instead of continuing to pay for travels and accommodation every single year, when it doesn’t benefit you personally.

    Said in a different way: it is not like your parents will die and you will live for eternity without them. We will all die, and we are all getting closer to death every day, so take care of yourself, do what is right for you. And post again anytime.

    anita

    #332393

    Lily
    Participant

    Thank you Anita, I know exactly what you’re saying and I probably would give the same advice to someone else 🙂

    I am in my mid 50’s and even though I’m healthy and young at heart I do have to think of my future/retirement. Im a bit over spending my hard earned $$ to do, what at times, feels like a duty.

    Thank you again for the wise/comforting words.

    #332561

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lily:

    You are welcome. Please do post again anytime you need to hear someone (about your age!)  saying that you are indeed doing the right thing to save your money for your own future and retirement instead of spending it on something that feels like a duty, but.. is not really your duty.

    anita

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