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i feel i dont deserve happiness

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  • #59663
    Dolores
    Participant

    Throughout my childhood, i have always felt ugly and poor. I was just unhappy and was ashamed of my poor unsuccessful parents-family. I thought that only rich and beautiful people deserved to be happy. I didnt have a boyfriend, i thought only losers would date me. Though i was inlove with someone who didnt want me…
    In university my appearance improved a lot and most people would find me pretty. I changed many boyfriends, i was popular but i lied a lot about my childhood. I grew up in new rich area (though my family was poor) and most people would think i was coming from a rich family also… I would imitate snob and superficial behavior, i wanted to be like people who i didnt like …

    I was unlucky in love as well. Always in love with someone who i wouldnt even like because he would reject me, always cruel with the kind people who loved me… I was never honest and close to anybody… I lied a lot …

    I am now 36 … i have changed four countries, jobs , lovers, i have three degrees, i am good looking, my mother died ten years ago and i miss her a lot… i am in a relationship since 5 years with somebody who loves me, but i dont love him back … i am just afraid to be alone though…i widh i could love him have children and be happy…

    i wish things were easier for me … i wish could just be ok to be myself … i wish i could feel i just deserve happiness and love like everybody else…

    #59710
    @Jasmine-3
    Participant

    Hi Dolores

    Who is stopping you from having happiness and living a life of happiness ? What have you done that you dont deserve happiness ? Even criminals dont feel this way. Whats with yah lady ?

    Take a chill pill and see some beauty around you. Once this moment is gone, it aint coming back. You can either choose to live life of regrets or you can turn your life around for the better. No one is responsible for the state you are in except for yourself. Take some personal responsibility and move forward with your head held high up.

    You are worth so much more lady. Wake up !!!!

    Sending you loads of positive energy,

    Jasmine

    #59810
    Dolores
    Participant

    Thank you Jasmine!

    You are so right! There are so many positive things taking place in my life.. i live in a beautiful city, my family loves me a lot, i am studying for my second masters, i am working in an intresting but unstable job ( which i am pursuing) … i just feel afraid to leave my partner who i dont love, i treat him poorly and then I am ashamed of it , and he pretends he doesnt notice…i practice martial arts, i dance …
    i will try to turn my life around for the better…

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