I feel like a loser because I have no social life

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    How do you even make friends anymore??? It’s really hard and it depresses me so much. I was homeschooled so I feel like I was practically robbed of a social life and it still hurts me tremendously. Because I didn’t develop strong social skills, I didn’t learn how to interact with people without feeling so anxious about it. I usually blend into the background and people sometimes treat me like im invisible in social settings. what i hate most is when they put me on the spot about being so “quiet” then i feel like i have to force myself to talk more and im soft spoken so sometimes they won’t hear me or barely acknowledge me. It’s so isolating and I try to feel like I belong. I try but I never feel socially aggressive like others and on top of that I am an introvert soI get really overwhelmed in some social situations so I’ll just avoid it alltogether. I wish I had friends that loved spending time with me or wanted me to go out with them for an evening of fun but I dont have that and it really hurts to feel like an outcast most of your llfe and then have crippling social anxiety.

    sometimes it makes me feel like i dont have much value as a friend to anyone, like maybe im just boring. i know i shouldn’t tell myself those things but thats just how i feel. 🙁

    it seems like its so easy for other people to make friends and have conversations with strangers but for me, internally alarms are going off in my head. my thoughts are racing and its super hard for me to relax. im worried ill say or do something stupid or that they’ll notice how anxious I am and think im weird.

    people have made comments that i need to be more social and honestly I’ve tried but it’s just really had to feel like I belong anywhere. i always feel like an alien…i feel like it’s surreal to be there in the moment. or like it’s not really happening. maybe that’s just how much i’ve isolated myself.


    Dear Ariana:

    “I didn’t develop strong social skills, I didn’t learn how to interact with people without feeling so anxious about it”- in the context of this thread you have an opportunity to interact and over time feel less anxious about it.

    In your previous two threads you received replies from other members, included my own replies to you. But you didn’t get back to any member who posted to you, didn’t respond. One social skill is to respond, so why not practice this skill right here?


    Lotus bleu

    Everything takes time and practice.  When I was in my twenties, i had an alienating job talking to others on the phone and working in a cubicle.  My social skills suffered.  I became very lonely and felt very isolated because i lived in a large city without family.  After many years of this type of work, and increasing loneliness,  I took a job where I was forced to small-talk and socialize all day.  At first this was very difficult and awkward for me, and I was full of anxiety.  After awhile, I became more and more comfortable talking to others and not feeling self-conscious.

    Keep working at being in social situations.  Join a volunteer group or faith community.  Join a group where you have common interests with others.  Don’t give up on yourself.  So much of happiness and social skills are derived by a sense of self-confidence.  If you like you, others will like you too.  Easier said than done of course, but ask yourself how you can gain the confidence you need.  Loneliness is a difficult thing, and it can become worse if you feel shame about it, but remember that it is just a temporary feeling, and with lots of practice, and the right life-affirming environments, you will realize that loneliness can be overcome.  I also recommend reading any Pema Chodron books.  She makes you realize that none of us are truly alone, we are all connected if we are just able to see it.  Best of luck, and sending love.


    That’s a really hard place to be in, and although you may feel lonely, you are not alone. We, the whole human race, are all lonely together. It just looks different for different people. It’s especially tough to feel like everyone else has it all together while you struggle. Know that it’s not every other person in the world who has a thriving social life, that’s very untrue, but we definitely tell ourselves that when we’re feeling lonely. Sometimes it has to do with the cards we’re dealt. I’m not sure what your life situation looks like right now, but if you wanted to do something more drastic, try something like working at a summer camp! When you’re placed in a specific community with a bunch of other people all working towards the same goal, you can’t help but make friends. Trust me. It will be scary to jump into something with much more social stimulation than you’re used to, but like Lotus bleu said, practice is the only way to feel more comfortable.

    Listen to Oprah Winfrey: Your Own Truth, on her SuperSoul conversations podcast. I think you’ll really enjoy it. You got this!!

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