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I Feel like a Terrible Person

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  • August 29, 2020 at 10:39 am #365795
    Elise
    Participant

    Dear Anita

    wow, I’ve never really thought about it all like that. I wonder if the feelings I had back then erupted in me wanting to feel helpless/small in my later teenager years.

    I’ve received a little therapy regarding my OCD, and I started taking some anti-anxiety medication recently! One of the main things my therapist told me is I’m too judgmental of myself.

    elise

    August 29, 2020 at 11:46 am #365796
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Elise:

    In my previous post to you I explained that when children feel distressing feelings (fear, anger, shame, etc.) too intensely, they disconnect or disassociate from the intense feelings. Another way to explain it is that when children feel distressing emotions (another word for feelings)  too intensely, they automatically repress those emotions, that is push them down, or push them away from awareness.

    Emotions are Energy-in-Motion,  When pushed down, they don’t stay down because by nature, they are always in motion. Being in  motion they affect how we think and behave.

    When we repress intense emotions, we no longer remember them, and therefore, we are surprised and confused when we think and behave certain ways, not understanding why.. feeling like we are weird and bad..

    The solution is to reconnect to the emotions we disconnected from; to re-associate with the emotions we disassociated from; to bring back to our awareness the emotions we repressed/ pushed away from our awareness. When we do that, we have a clear picture of ourselves, we understand what motivates us, we understand what brought about certain thoughts and behaviors.

    When we understand ourselves, we are no longer weird in our own minds. It is to avoid or continue to avoid behaviors that are harmful to ourselves and/ or to others, and proceed in the healing process.

    Post again anytime.

    anita

    August 30, 2020 at 6:47 am #365816
    Ana Marie
    Participant

    This was an amazing post for me to read.  I too have similar feeling (sexual) only recently. I did not understand them as I am so much older (the last stage) than the person who submitted this. As I was reading this so surprised and relieved to realize someone else could have the same the thoughts. Then as I continued reading realized so much we went thru as a child were similar. Scared & fearful is how I went thru my whole childhood, then continued into adulthood the same way. I just said to my therapist the other day I realized for the last 16 years the underlying emotion for me has been FEAR !! She looked at me and said why and I tried to explain it the best I could but after reading this post I now believe its my memories and feelings that really have not gone away. I was punished and beaten almost weekly, much fighting between my parents almost daily. That was my life for 16 years. That was my normal.

    August 30, 2020 at 7:01 am #365818
    Anonymous
    Guest

    * Dear Ana Marie:

    “I was punished and beaten almost weekly, much fighting between my parents almost daily. That was my life for 16 years. That was my normal”, you shared.

    When you told your therapist the other day that you realized that for the last 16 years “the underlying emotion for me has been FEAR!!”, she asked you “why”?- did she not know of your 16 years childhood experience of being beaten etc.?

    anita

    August 30, 2020 at 7:13 am #365822
    Ana Marie
    Participant

    Yes…She has been my therapist for 16 yrs here. Sometimes I am not sure she gets what I deal with on a daily basis. We have been thru much together as I had repressed memories surface over 20 yrs ago of sexual abuse that I had no memory of at all. We are now just starting to talk about the issues of being locked in my room, some neglect issues and few other things. I moved here 16 yrs ago which might as well been a foreign land as people are do different than what I am use to.

    August 30, 2020 at 7:27 am #365823
    Anonymous
    Guest

    * Dear Ana Marie:

    If you want, you can start your own thread by clicking FORUMS at the top, choosing one of the Categories listed, then scrolling down the page to the empty boxes, and type there. I will be glad to communicate with you further in your new thread.

    anita

    August 30, 2020 at 9:54 am #365839
    Ana Marie
    Participant

    ok, thank u Anita….

     

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