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I feel like I'm not in love with my boyfriend

HomeForumsRelationshipsI feel like I'm not in love with my boyfriend

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  • #178515
    D
    Participant

    I my scared that my “I love you’s” aren’t as honest as the way I speak them. I’ve been officially with my boyfriend a bit over 2 months, we’ve said I love you, because we were basically on/off since late February of  this year. We went through a lot, my family , his ex(temporarily), my attitude, just drama so we broke up about 3 times, when we lasted a few days-to very few weeks. He has lost his job a couple months back and I’ve been giving him money for his insurance and phone bill, let me point out he has never forced me to give him money. And I have volunteered and been willing to help, because if I can’t build up with him at a tough time, how can I expect us to grow? Well I’ve been feeling either selfish or used with giving him money and I try so hard not and I lie and tell him i don’t feel any feelings against helping him, but I just don’t can’t help from being paranoid & scared that I’ll be used like how I felt used by my ex best friend. We went through a lot of fights up until this point and I think the past is what’s blocking my judgment. I don’t know what to ddo, I’ve cried about this a couple of times, because I pictured a future with him and one w/o him, and being with him looked the happiest. I think, dream, talk about him all the time, I still am turned on by hi., and I do laugh and smile when I think and am around him, but the thoughts of do I really love him? Get to me a lot, I just don’t want to make a mistake and have it get to me at the end. Because I know I’m really tough in a relationship, plus he’s my first everything , this is a big deal for me to understand the jumble of a mess my mind is right now. Help.

    #178531
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear D:

    You can’t help how you feel, no one can- once the feeling hits- there it is. And so, I think best thing is that you tell him the truth. Tell him that you realize he didn’t ask you for help, that you volunteered it and that you told him again and again that you feel okay about it. Tell him the latter was not true, that you tried to feel okay about it, but you are unable to. Tell him you are sorry for lying to him about feeling okay about it.

    You did what you believed was the right thing to do, but you suffer for it. Your suffering is bad for you and for the relationship. If it continues, it will be bad for him too. If he loves you, he will hate losing you over this. He may prefer to not get your help and have you in his life.

    I hope you post again with your thoughts and feelings.

    anita

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