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I feel so deeply hurt and broken. Support needed.

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  • This topic has 3 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 1 week ago by anita.
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  • #390879
    MalaKai
    Participant

    My ex left on Christmas day 2021 and I have not heard from her since. We were together for two years. Christmas is an incredibly difficult and painful time of the year for me. This year was worse than usual.

     

    I actually did kick her out and she left. I kicked her out because she hurt me deeply.

     

    Three main things.

    – Took my presents away on Christmas Eve that she has bought me. She took them when I was out of the room. I came back in the room and it took me a while to notice they were bit there. Deep hurt number one. Why would anyone even do that? Regardless of the reasons I couldn’t look past it. It felt cruel and hurtful.

     

    – She was speaking to someone on the phone. I do not know who. She was in the bedroom. Rather than talk with me, she was quite content in talking to this other person. She even seemed happy. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t care that she was talking to someone else. What I do care about is that I wanted to be spoken to on Christmas Eve. I felt so alone. The house is quite an echoey house. I went to ask her to keep her voice down. In that moment she said to whoever she was talking to that she had just been told to keep her voice down. Right then and there, my heart just broke. That, the presents, being ignored was my last straw. I could t take anymore. I got so angry. I told her to pack her things the next morning and leave. I told her I hated her. In my anger I said that. I think it was more I hated what she had done more than I hated her.

    She was refusing to leave and pack. It was late at night. I said if you are not packing by ten am the next morning, I will start throwing your stuff out. I also sent into some sort of shock. Her choices triggered sons traumas from the past. Regardless, the things she did  felt cruel and hurtful. Prior trauma or not.

     

    She left most of her stuff behind. Important things of her of own. Not things we had given as gifts. Personal effects. Enough to fill a small shed. Legally I can’t get rid of it. There is no response to my communication for the collection of the rest of her belongings.

    I’ve tried many times to sort collection to no avail. I have no choice but to seek mwah help.

     

    I just feel so hurt, angry and broken. Two years together and you go do something like this. I’m still in shock and finding it hard to process. I don’t know why she did these things but it just so deeply. How can a person change so fast from apparently being in love with you but then doing these things? I’m going to be sorting out therapy as I can no longer cope.

     

    I just wanted to write about it, try get some possible understanding of my situation while writing. I just feel like I can no longer even trust my own perceptions or feelings. I’m scared of how extremely vulnerable I am. Some days I just want to scream. I’m always tired, physically and mentally. Life just feels too much.

    There is also another massive thing going on at the same time in my life. I’ve had to seek a lawyer. This has taken a huge toll on me and I just feel like I am not even heard. I’m starting to really shut down cause it’s like I can no longer manage anything.

    #390889
    anita
    Participant

    Dear MalaKai:

    You clearly feel “so hurt, angry and broken… still in shock and finding it hard to process… scared of how extremely vulnerable I am…  always tired, physically and mentally… I just feel like I am not even heard. I’m starting to really shut down cause it’s like I can no longer manage“-

    – You are welcome here, on your thread, to make yourself heard, to express your feelings as they are, without having to make sense of them all.

    It reads like your former girlfriend is also having a difficult time managing life, that’s why she has not been back for any of her many personal belongings. The night of Christmas Day was as bad for her as it was for you, maybe more because she had to leave so quickly.

    I hope you do receive the therapy that you need, but until then, please share more, express yourself, whatever words and emotions come to mind, type them away. I will read from you and respond whenever you post.

    anita

    #391186
    MalaKai
    Participant

    <p style=”text-align: left;”>I feel I could not respond right away.</p>
    I can’t focus on how my ex feels or maybe feeling. This is about me. I didn’t post to talk about my ex. There is no chance of reuniting. I’d appreciate if she isn’t referred too in my posts.

     

    My head and heart is a mess. How can a person you have been with for two years, absolutely loved and adored them just go like there was nothing. One month before thus she was expressing how in love she was with me, that she couldn’t live without me and didn’t want to, that she wanted to be with me and then one month later she is gone. I’m so tired of everyone trying to rationalise this.

    Im actually quite frankly tired of pointing anything out anymore. Just had enough. Did the person who came along offer something better than I could. Seems I’m easily replaced with better. If this is what someone who claimed to love me does, then I’m better off without them. Right now I just feel like I was nothing.

    #391198
    anita
    Participant

    Dear MalaKai:

    I didn’t post to talk about my ex… I’d appreciate if she isn’t referred to in my posts… I’m so tired of everyone trying to rationalise this” – I will accommodate your preferences.

    Let’s talk about you and how you feel: “I feel so deeply hurt and broken. Support needed: … I wanted to be spoken to on Christmas Eve. I felt so alone. The house is quite an echoey house… I just feel so hurt, angry and broken… I’m going to be sorting out therapy as I can no longer cope…  I just feel like I can no longer even trust my own perceptions or feelings. I’m scared of how extremely vulnerable I am. Some days I just want to scream.

    “I’m always tired, physically and mentally. Life just feels too much. There is also another massive thing going on at the same time in my life. I’ve had to seek a lawyer. This has taken a huge toll on me, and I just feel like I am not even heard. I’m starting to really shut down cause it’s like I can no longer manage anything… My head and heart are a mess…  Just had enough… Right now, I just feel like I was nothing” –

    – You are something. Your feelings matter. You will feel better over time: less hurt, less angry, less broken, less alone, and no longer a mess. Your thinking will get clearer and clearer, you will learn to trust your perceptions and feelings, and you will be able to manage and cope. All these things will happen when you do all that you can do to heal from all that has deeply hurt you in life. Please let me know what other kind of support you need here, on your thread.

    anita

    • This reply was modified 1 week ago by anita.
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