Home→Forums→Emotional Mastery→I got affected by every small thing….
- This topic has 7 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 8 years, 11 months ago by Radhika.
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December 17, 2015 at 6:45 pm #89853RadhikaParticipant
Hi everyone.. I don’t know earlier it doesn’t happen with me but nowadays even a single thing affects me disturbes me. I live with my friend away from home to pursue my studies further.. But in spite of concentrating in things related with me i concentrate on others, on my roommate.. Like how many hours she is studying why she is doing this and that and it makes me feel worse. I am so annoyed with my habbit that most of the times i remain out of my room. But as soon as i enters in again I started thinking all that. I need help, advice, suggestion anything that helps me out..
December 17, 2015 at 7:22 pm #89854jockParticipantSee if I’ve got this right. Your room-mate bugs you? Her little habits or idiosyncrasies annoy you?
I imagine then, that you are young and not used to living with strangers, other than your family.
This is something we all have to go through sooner or later. If you get married one day, you will need patience and tolerance for your partner’s idiosyncrasies. Some of your habits may bother her too.
Now having said that, if these habits are unreasonable such as not sharing cleaning duties, then you need to confront your room-mate about them. You don’t have to put up with an untidy kitchen for example, her not washing pots and pans. Another annoyance might be her bringing noisy friends over or her practising a musical instrument. I can’t stand someone putting their feet up on a coffee table whilst watching TV but I know some people it doesn’t bother them.
Otherwise, can you afford to live alone? If more people could afford to live alone, I’m sure they would. Good luckDecember 17, 2015 at 8:02 pm #89855RadhikaParticipantThanks Jack… It helps.. But i think problem is within me.. I have to learn to ignore things.. .. That’s what m trying to do but failed every time..
December 17, 2015 at 8:25 pm #89856jockParticipantYou might be over-analysing, blaming yourself too much. Oversensitivity?
Then lighten up, have a few beers, pretend to be an unphased extrovert. That worked for me to some extent. Until I realised I was drinking too much, becoming an alcoholic. 🙂December 17, 2015 at 8:36 pm #89857RadhikaParticipantThanks for lightens up my mood.
December 18, 2015 at 3:33 am #89869RosParticipantMy sister has a similar thing. Very bothered by other people. She reminds herself: ‘observe, not absorb’. How many hours your room-mate is studying you bothers because… she is studying less than you? she is studying more than you? In other words, is it because you are *comparing* yourself with her that you get annoyed? Everyone is different. Learn to celebrate that difference. Train yourself to focus on the things that you appreciate, rather than the things that you don’t. Catch yourself in the habit of being annoyed (because that is all it is, a habit) and consciously reach for something to appreciate instead, however small. Do this every time, and you will start finding her easier to live with (and you’ll be easier to live with too!).
December 18, 2015 at 8:14 am #89879AnonymousGuest* Hilarious, jack!
dear Radhika:
I think that when you are in your room, alone, it being the first time you are away from your family for an extended time, that you feel fear, ongoing fear. So in order to distract yourself from that fear, the discomfort of feeling the fear, you automatically get stuck in OTHER thoughts, about your roommate. Fear is what fuels such thoughts. If you agree, then paying attention to your breathing while you are alone in your room, focusing on inhaling and exhaling completely, slowly… listening to calming music perhaps… calling family members, doing what you need to do to attend to your fear, to calm yourself. The more calm you keep yourself, the less of a need your brain will have to escape into irrelevant thinking.
anita
December 22, 2015 at 5:53 pm #90326RadhikaParticipantThanks everyone..
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