I’ve never posted here before but I signed up today to give you my .02.

I really liked what was said between the soulmates vs. lifemates. How lucky are we when we get to marry a soulmate and a lifemate.

I also liked how a lot of you were advocating for marriage, marriage is a big deal and something to be taken very seriously.

Kristy, I am concerned though that your husband rolls his eyes at you. This sounds like a small thing to most people, but my training in psychology and my research on marriages and signs of divorce have taught me that eye rolls are a sign of disrespect and disdain.

My last boyfriend was a very good provider, but I was missing the extra care and love I wanted to have in my life. He took care of me, but was emotionally distant and cold. It also sounds like perhaps your husband is being some sort of care provider for a family member–I am too a care provider right now and that’s a difficult process. If your husband hasn’t always been cold and distant, this is something to maybe give him time to adjust to, but if he’s always been a little distant or unemotional, and you’ve just realized it, it’s a different story.

It’s amazing to feel connected to someone, especially from your past. I tried a go at a relationship with someone that I thought was the love of my life, and when the relationship actually happened, it exploded into cosmic disaster particles and I really wasn’t as attracted to him physically as I thought when we actually had an opportunity to be together. This was incredibly surprising to me.

I’m not advocating one thing or another, but just that I agree with lifemates and soulmates idea, at least I like the sound of it. I think you are doing the right thing by cutting off communication with this other person while you are married–so if you decide to leave the marriage you are doing it for you and not because you might have something else good in the future.

If you aren’t happy, that’s reason enough. You don’t have to have another person to go to.

I hope that either you and your husband are able to meet each others needs or that you find happiness if you leave your marriage. Maybe this relationship will work out later but I admire you stepping back from it. If it’s meant to be taking time to honor your husband and current commitments won’t take away.

Sidenote: the man I thought was the love of my life is now back in my hometown and available in a way he wasn’t before. I have moved on and found someone that makes me incredibly happy–my current partner makes me feel like he’s a soulmate and a lifemate.

So my bossy .02 is just do what is best for you and honor your husband in the process. It’ll all work out how it’s supposed to when things are done in love.

You aren’t alone Confusion. What you wrote its like you just took the words out of the post I just wrote. May you find peace. I had to leave my husband, it was a marriage going no where and if I know the soulmate exists I had to just know that I deserve someone like that person. I think of the soulmate also all the time….sometimes I can’t even sleep like tonight, so you totally stopped talking to him? 17 years is a long time. I hope you find peace with whatever you are going through. You are not alone!!!!!

On Feb14/2014 My wife told me she had met someone that had a connection with her. She said that she wasn’t sure what it meant but needed to find out even if it meant sleeping with him. We had been together since I was 13 yrs old, married at 22yrs old and am now 47 yrs old. We have raised three children. and have survived many hard ships. At 21yrs old she was sexually assaulted. I was there to help and protect her afterwards. It took about 15yrs for her to mentally heal. Then 8 yrs ago we were in a car accident that injured us both. We still have some physical issues because of it. Through all of that I was there with her. I started building walls so to speak around us to protect her. Along the way I was so busy building walls I did not notice that I had shut her out as well. I was an angry resentful person. In the last couple years it got to the point that I did not want to be involved in anything with friends and family. I hated my job, resented my wife and could not tolerate my kids. In October my wife had a bladder infection and wanted to go to the hospital and I said that it was late and I had to work in the morning did she really need me to go with her. ( I did not remember this until about 1 week ago ). Back to Valentines day. That night I asked her if She was asking permission or did I have no choice,. See she said she still loved me and did not want to end us but had to find out why this other had such an attraction for her, even if it meant she wanted a polygamous relationship with me and him. Well I hit the roof Then physically the wall and told her to pack a bag and get the F*** out. She said if that is what I wanted then she would go. She did not cry or say she did not want to go or anything. That night I did not sleep. At times I was more in a meditative state than any thing. Not really thinking about anyone thing just numb. At 4am My son was leaving to go on a tour for his work I was not sleeping any way so I told him I would drive him so his vehicle wouldn’t be left. At this time I still had not cried and the anger had turned into numbness. Well in the 10 minute ride to drop off my son It started to hit me and I was trying to hold back crying. Did not do a good job at that. for the first time my son say me cry. By the time I got home It hit me and my soul felt like it was ripping from my body. I had never felt sorrow and heart break like that ever before. I have lost a cousin a 3 grandparents and never felt anything close to this. I knew that I could not lose her. I sent her a text begging her to come back. I would do anything for her even if it meant sharing her with another man. this was at 7am. She came home at 2:30 PM after meeting the other guy for lunch. We talked, I told her I would not stand in her way. Then she told me she had lunch with him and told him I had kicked her out. He said he could not do that to another guy even though he had been talking to her about sleeping together in weeks prior. He said that there was no way this would go past that day period. (She works with him.) Well she did not tell me any of that until I had said I would stand by her no matter what. Fast forward a month and a half. She has promised me there will never be anything Physical with him. They are social at the work place. She has not been able to discuss anything with him as he will only talk to her in a work place manner. I have accepted the fact that if he allows her to talk about this that she would like to be good friends with him. I will be included in there friendship if it ever happens. As for us I am for the first time in so long totally emotionally, physically, spiritually in love with her. We are like teenagers all over again and we are excited about our future together. She says that she will do nothing to jeopardize our love and marriage. She is still drawn to him in a connection type of way and I support her totally. So Maybe if you and your husband had a soul connection in the past. Then there is a chance if given the opportunity to make the choice before you are gone for ever. Maybe if he has gotten into that dark soulless place I was. If reality smacked him with you are not going to let this continue. He may find that after his world hits bottom and he could loose the best thing to ever happen in his life. Maybe he could turn his life around and you two could find that your souls are still connected and find happiness like never before, better than your wildest dreams. I never in 33 yrs wrote my wife love notes, or bought her flowers for no reason. Every day I send her at least one but usually 2-3 love messages of some kind. And have given her flowers 3 times in 45 days. If you love someone set them free if they come back they are meant to be if not then that is what the universe has projected for your life. Live your life first. Just maybe he would like to LIVE life with you not just around you. By the way when I heard about the hospital story I could not believe I had been that cold as to not rush to get her there and be with her. I cried as she retold me the details. If given the choice he may choose you. Be strong and may karma bring you the answers you seek.

I wish I could say your circumstance will work out. If you had asked me the day before all this started what I would say or do if my wife was to leave me, I would have said she knows where the door is and it is one way. It was not until I realized what I had done and I may have lost the only person in my life that meant the world to me. It still is not all roses. The other guy got fired so is not in her life daily. We are getting stronger. I have asked her if she would let go of him and not communicate or see him if he contacts her. It is still her decision to make, but I would feel better with out his presence in her life. Daily we get closer and them farther from what she has told me. I am not sure how your husband will respond. He may not realize the gift he is going to lose until it is to late or ever. You have to stay true to your self. what ever you do don’t lie or cheat. It only makes thing worse for you. If you are to move onto someone else then make a clean break. Then what ever comes after is not tainted by deception. All the best and good Karma for your life’s path. We only see a little of the path we are on, but it is still your choice which way to go.

John is correct. My wife finally ended all contact with him. I forced her to make the choice. Hurt him once or me every time her just now friends person sent her a text. It had to end one way or another, As does your situation. Living in limbo between decisions does no one any good. Time to decide who you are going to be.