My bf and I broke up last week. Again. Just the fact that I said again is enough to warrant you all to say get over it. We were together 3.5 years. Not a long time but enough. I know eventually the hurt will subside, but right now I just feel so angry. More angry and disappointed than heartbroken. It’s been a turmoil filled relationship since day one. He has constantly shown me that I am not important in his life. But he is so caniving and manipulating with words. He’s a true narcissist. His sister in law even said his last two marriages had the same problems. So I said to myself how did both his marriages have the same exact problems if we are all different women who don’t know each other? Red flags abound. I was married twice and left those for all different reasons. He cheated on me early on, he’s lied about many many things. After he cheated and we were back together he stayed in contact with her and I was so livid. She was someone his family knew and he would say I can’t just be mean to her she knows my family. I never asked him to be mean. Just not talk to her again. Once I was visiting my daughter and when I got back I found emails that he sent to random Craigslist ads for “plutonic” relationships. I mean he just literally is a deer in headlights when I explain how wrong his behavior is. He never even says I know it’s wrong, I have a problem. He defends it and says I didn’t cheat and I didn’t even reference cheating. I just like to talk to other people. He has no logic for his reasons yet he says I’m a man of logic, if you present me a logical argument I can’t disagree. Uh ok Spock wanna be. Honestly it’s driven me insane. Yet I stayed with him because he knows how to sweet talk and tell me exactly what I wanna hear. I just cannot tell the difference anymore between what’s true and what’s bullshit. And that alone is why I should not look back. But I somehow hold onto hope he will wake up and get it. I am under the very honest belief that he’s mentally disabled. I can’t make him see any light. Everybody has told me that even his family. It’s so sad. He has a son who is 9 and we all had to live together in a single small room in the business he is trying to buy. (Rent is outrageous where we live) I also worked as the office manager. The other owner and most other people say we are a great team. And we are good together both at work and away, except for his mental crap. He gets mental, it drives me mad and I in turn get crazy pissed.

He has a crazy ex wife who is a former alcoholic and she has gotten her life together (it seems) the past year. Last week before our fight she filed custody papers to try and get their son back. She cited deplorable living conditions. I kind of agree with her. (And so did his sister in law) Him and I argue constantly about moving to an apartment and he makes endless promises we will and it hasn’t happened. We are loosing it living that way. There’s no kitchen so we eat out constantly. I’ve always said it’s no way to raise a child and we also had no privacy. So now that she wants custody (she lives 2500 miles from us) I mentioned it might be in his best interest to let her take the son. He wasn’t to fond of that. he always referenced, when we own the shop he will convert more of it to a more livable place. But the issue is it isn’t like next to or above the work area AT ALL. the door to our room is literally IN the shop. Where customers walk in and out of. And ok it closed so they may not know, but the bathroom and fridge are across the other side of the ROOM and the customers use the restroom and we have to keep everything in cabinets to make it seem like no one lives there. So let’s say I’m ill with the flue? I have to stay in the room all day and hope a customer won’t be in the shop when I need to go use the bathroom in my pj’s looking like death. Literally NO privacy. And more to the point we need to have a home separate from where we work for sanity. But his problem is he takes advance of situations (and clearly of me). He lives in that room rent free with his son. His name isn’t on the lease, and he drives the company truck that isn’t legally his everywhere. And the owner of course lets him do all this!! He’s just as much an idiot, but another story. I have only been living there 7 months. I moved in to save money and the plan was to move to an apartment. But he never saves a penny.

Ok this got long. I’m sorry. I’m so upset, I just need to talk. There’s so much more to this story. SO SO MUCH MORE. I am trying my best to remember all the bad as well as the good and remember he won’t ever change. I can share more but I better cut it short. I really appreciate you “listening”.