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i hope this is my rocd

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  • This topic has 6 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 7 years ago by Anonymous.
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  • April 17, 2017 at 11:49 am #145515
    Bismahanwar
    Participant

    i met this guy who is absolutely amazing. he has so much patience with me despite knowing about my past issues such as what my ex did to me and that i have been sexually abused by a family member. 5 months ago my ocd was really severe to a point where i wanted to commit suicide because it would convince me that i am a bad person and will hurt people. now i met this man and life has been stable ever since he’s been in it. however i keep doubting my feelings. but whenever i see him i feel a connection and time goes by so quickly it makes me sad. i dont want to force my feelings. there was a situation where someone stated he was a cheater and i started crying because i felt really empty. i have not said i love you because i am scared i will hurt him or he may hurt me and so i keep my feelings inside, but the words i love you do feel right and i have also admitted to my friend a few times that i have fallen in love. the other thing is when i was trying to get over my ex, i would always look at guys in a flirty way to make me forget about my ex, however i still do this but not as badly as i used to which also makes me feel horrible when i do it because i want to be loyal. i know i want this man to stay in my life but all these doubts pop up and make me feel horrible.

    April 17, 2017 at 12:05 pm #145531
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Bismahanwar:

    I am thinking that you started believing you are a bad person when you were a child, and this is why you obsessed before about hurting people. And this is why you are afraid to hurt your boyfriend if you tell him that you love him.

    Clearly, you like your boyfriend very much. Clearly, you are emotionally attached to him. But you are scared, like you wrote, scared to hurt him and scared to be hurt.

    Back to your childhood, do you remember when and why you started to believe that you are a bad person?

    anita

    April 17, 2017 at 12:07 pm #145533
    Anonymous
    Guest

    * didn’t record…

    April 17, 2017 at 12:10 pm #145535
    Bismahanwar
    Participant

    i believed i was bad person because of all the things i had been through and the thoughts inside my head were supporting this. I have always been hurt by my past because it is a painful part of my life i dont like to recall. some days i do not feel any feelings towards him which in turn makes me feel even more horrible and i know this is because of my thoughts. my thoughts are my enemy.

    April 17, 2017 at 12:22 pm #145537
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Bismahanwar:

    I am very familiar with OCD, have been suffering from it for decades (doing better recently!). And I am familiar with ROCD. Your account reads very much like ROCD.

    Have you been in psychotherapy for your OCD and the anxiety that is fueling it? If so, what did you learn from it?

    anita

    April 17, 2017 at 12:41 pm #145543
    Bismahanwar
    Participant

    i have been seeing a therapist for quite some time, i just dont know how i can get out of this

    April 17, 2017 at 1:02 pm #145545
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Bismahanwar:

    Regarding how to “get out of this (ROCD)” – did you discuss this with your therapist?

    Did your therapist lead you to any insight about your anxiety and OCD and did he/ she teach you skills to manage emotions (ex.: distraction, guided meditation/ Mindfulness)?

    If not, what has been going on in the therapy sessions?

    anita

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