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I just can't let other people's thoughts of me go…

HomeForumsTough TimesI just can't let other people's thoughts of me go…

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  • #226533
    MichellieBellie
    Participant

    I’m stuck. In a rut. I’m at my lowest point yet, and I’m ashamed to be in this state.

    I have no job, I fail one of my last classes before graduating college the previous semester and had to take it again. I decided to do it online because I was too huminatied to walk through that campus again. (I already believe that the people there think I’m a freak.) So really I’m stuck home all day with my sickly mother, trying to help her the best I can. But really for most of the day I end up playing video games on various ports, or trying to get through the DVR with Mom.

    I suffer from awful social anxiety and depression. Though I am inherently lazy, I really do believe downward slide in my grade and basically everything is due to that. I go out somewhere, and something happens between and stranger (or at least I BELIEVE something happens) and I’ll wish I never left the house. The actual thought that runs past my head is “Oh great, now for ever after that person will think I’m a freak/weirdo/crazy.” Past mistakes in my life keep replaying in my head over and over again everyday and the pain makes it feel like it was just yesterday it happened when it was actually years…

    The house is a mess, Mom’s back at the hospital again, the dogs need a bath, and I need some Buddha in my life…

    #226601
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear MichellieBellie:

    “I’m a freak/weirdo/crazy”- who introduced this thought to you?

    No doubt in my mind most people you meet don’t think these things about you simply because they are not thinking about you. Some think to themselves: what is MichellieBellie thinking about me? Is she thinking that I am a freak?

    When someone important to us communicates to us at an early age certain things about ourselves, we keep hearing his or her voice, imagining other people are saying those things, to themselves. We believe we can read their minds and hear their thoughts. But it is our thoughts we are hearing.

    Therefore I ask: who was or is the important person in your life who told you those things, not necessarily in these words, maybe not in words at all?

    anita

     

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