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I lied to my best firend….

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  • March 3, 2019 at 1:27 pm #282687
    B
    Participant

    Hi,

    Don’t worry to much, I’m sure she will calm down eventually. You are young and sometimes pick the wrong choices to say.

    Its not the end of the world. If your friend values your friendship as much as you do then you will be able to amend things.

    Give your friend time and space, send her a nice message or token gesture to let her know you acknowledge “lying” is wrong and that if you had been honest then maybe this situation would not have occurred.

    Be kind to yourself, you are old enough to know better, yet young enough not to care.

    BX

     

    March 3, 2019 at 3:55 pm #282723
    jennifer
    Participant

    Hello,

    I’ve reached out to her but she didn’t respond in a positive way, I will be giving her her space and try to talk to her in the near future. Thank very much for the help cheers!

    March 4, 2019 at 8:31 am #282837
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear jennifer:

    I read your original post but didn’t understand what happened in the two occasions with your friend, the one that resulted in the two of you not talking for a month and the current one. Would you like to retell both happenings more clearly, without unnecessary details, just the facts, simple sentences?

    anita

    March 4, 2019 at 3:45 pm #282991
    jennifer
    Participant

    Hello Anita,

    Thanks for taking the time to read through and reply sorry I wasn’t clear enough.

    This is what happened:

    First occasion: We had planned a party months in advance but days before the party I was given the opportunity for a free trip and decided to accept, she was very upset with me for leaving.

    Second and current occasion: On her birthday I left the party because my parents were calling me to return to my house, told her why I have to go back to my house but ended up going to a club. She obviously found out I went to a club instead of my house and is very mad at me.

    March 5, 2019 at 8:38 am #283085
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Jennifer:

    You restated the two occasions very clearly, I am impressed.

    Regarding the Halloween party, you broke your word to her to attend the party because you felt like going on the free trip. Regarding her birthday party, you didn’t feel like attending it at all (“Since the beginning, I didn’t really feel like going”)-

    I am wondering if you don’t like being in her home, maybe you don’t like your best friend’s company in the context of a party in her home, or maybe you don’t like her much in any context?

    anita

     

    March 9, 2019 at 12:20 pm #283827
    jennifer
    Participant

    Hello Anita,

    Her birthday party was at a mutual friend’s house, but what I can say is that we aren’t really on the same page when it comes to a party context as in I like to dance and she doesn’t like to do the same (she’s not a big fan of parties also). She’s a really good friend and we do “click” in other areas it’s just in those particular situations we differ.

    March 9, 2019 at 1:09 pm #283829
    Mark
    Participant

    jennifer,

    I recommend understanding why you felt the need to bail on her and therefore lie to her.

    I believe it is always best to understand the underlying reason why we behave the way we do especially if we don’t want to repeat our mistakes.

    I would wonder if she is such a good friend then why did you do that?   Is this something you do?  If you don’t want to do something you agree then go do something else?   Are you passive aggressive with others?  in other circumstances?

    Regardless how you work it out with your friend, I invite you to look at yourself.  Do you find it hard to keep your word especially when you are in situations that you are not “all in” on?

    Mark

    March 9, 2019 at 3:06 pm #283833
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear jennifer:

    “we aren’t really on the same page with it comes to a party context as in I like to dance and she doesn’t .. she’s not a big fan of parties… we do ‘click’ in other areas”-

    -two friends don’t have to be together in all contexts. Be with her  in the contexts that you both like/ click, and not in contexts that only one of you likes.

    On the other hand, do attend a friend’s birthday party even if you don’t feel like it because it is only a once a year event.

    Let’s say that your best friend wants to join her to a party of a friend of hers, a party with no dancing, where people play chess and you hate chess. It is perfectly fine for you to tell your best friend: no, I don’t want to. I like to dance and I don’t like chess.

    What will not be fine is if you tell your best friend: no, I can’t make it to this party because I promised my mother to (whatever)-

    -tell your friend the truth, do not lie. And better yet, make it a habit to not lie to anyone.

    What do you think  about what I wrote here?

    anita

     

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