I don’t remember it well but around a year ago I lied to my group of colleagues at work. From what I remember I told the whole group that a person had gotten a specific job, this conversation happened on the first break of the day. Then at lunch time the person that got the job joined us and when someone congratulated this person on the new job and was asked how she knew she pointed at me. The thing is that the person that got the job had asked me not to tell, she’s very shy and doesn’t like the attention plus it wasn’t official yet. So I denied telling it in front of everyone. I know it was wrong but at the time I wanted to protect the person that got the job as I was closer to her.
I should have either owned to the group why I lied or I should have just admitted to my friend that I had indeed breached her confidence. I know I should have tried to explain why I did it later but as no one called me on it, it just got behind and I forgot about that. So this is the memory I have of it, it might not be very accurate anymore.
For the past year and for only a couple of times, one of the people in the group has been a bit cold towards me. Maybe there were more signs but I only noticed these 2 times. I dismissed it as she was quite stressed with buying a new house at the time. But then another colleague of ours mentioned she was being quite off with her also and we commented that behind her back, how weird it was, and if we should ask about it. Again we dismissed it, having both gotten to the same conclusion that we were probably seeing things where they weren’t. Meanwhile the 8/9 of us always sit together and speak to each other but it seems like there are 2 groups, like 4 on each side, noticeable but not really talked about.
Last week we all went out for a meal and at the end when we were paying the bill, I asked has anyone counted to see if the money is right and she had an outburst at me saying, why don’t you count it, you always get out of doing stuff. I was taken aback and didn’t really say much to that. It’s a bit of a blur as i had a few glasses of wine before this incident. The rest of the night was a bit weird. One of my friends said she didn’t like it and we were just saying that it didn’t make sense what she said and I said if this keeps going the group will end up splitting. That was the end of it that night. The rest of the night went by a bit awkward but no confrontation or words were said.
Last night we had the work Xmas do and 7 of the group went. It was all going well, at about 11 pm they screamed “Happy Hour” and we all piled up to get some cheap drinks. Whilst on the queue, a song I love started to play and the person that has been acting cold towards me told me to go and dance and she would buy me my drink. I accepted it and went dancing. She brought me my drink to the dance floor, we danced for maybe 2 minutes more and then she approached me and over the music said she was sorry she had a go at me last week, but I couldn’t be trusted, she had no respect for me anymore and she knew I was talking shit behind her back. At the time I was drunk and didn’t know what she was talking about. She then brought the fact of me lying a year ago and at the time I didn’t remember what happened at all (it came back to me later, sober). I said just that. And denied talking behind her back. I didn’t think talking about her having a go a me as talking behind her back. I did admit that the comment about the group ending up splitting was true and I had indeed said it. And she kept talking. We were both drunk, I was still OK-ish, not sure how drunk she was. Anyway, I listened to her and when I go and talk she cuts me off saying she’s not finished. I said, you had your turn, now it’s mine but she kept cutting me off saying people didn’t like me, everyone knew I was a liar and stuff like that. As she wasn’t listening I gave up and turned to leave. She then grabs my wrist (did not hurt me) and points the finger at me making a scene and not wanting me to leave. I may not be perfect but violence is a trigger for me and being grabbed like that just made me very angry. Still I only said “Don’t ever grab me like that again”, released my wrist from her hand and left.
I was very upset. more so because I couldn’t remember doing that. Talked to my friend, stayed a bit more and decided to leave in half an hour. Meanwhile she was telling to anyone who wanted to listen, stuff about me and what a liar i was and all that. I was very angry with this, because although I was in the wrong she should not have waited a whole year to approach this nor should she have done this whilst drunk and at a work event in front of work colleagues. But decided to be the big person and when I left I hugged everyone, including her and said we need to talk when we’re not drunk.
I was off work today, so it has been 2 days since this happened. She hasn’t contacted me, I haven’t contacted her. She put some pics on Facebook and tagged me. She was at work today but didn’t go and sit with the others although I wasn’t there. I don’t want other people to suffer for my mistakes but I’m not the only one in the wrong anymore and think she should make the next move to fix this. The minute she put her hands on me she just lost my respect and I can admit to my mistakes on this but don’t want to go to her and apologise for something that she now blew out of proportion.
I guess I just don’t know what the best action for this is. I really need some external insight on this as my partner and the couple of friends I told this to are obviously biased and on my side. I don’t want sides to be taken, I just want to know how best to deal with this.
Sorry for such a long post and any grammar mistakes as English is not my first language.