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I like someone who's depressed

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This topic contains 4 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  Regi 2 months, 3 weeks ago.

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  • #208905

    Regi
    Participant

    Perhaps some of you remember but I've had a bad relationship with a girl who has a boyfriend. She hurt me alot and she's very demanding and manipulative. I've dealt ended my relationship with her and I managed to let go. I feel reborn now and everything in my life is going perfect now.

    I've had another short relationship with a girl a year and a half ago. She was sweet, beautiful and we have alot of similar interrests. I began having feelings for her but her depression was getting between us. We sepparated because it didn't work anymore. She couldn't be in a relationship while being depressed, she said, it was too much. She didn't want to hurt me.

    We saw each other like 5 times during the last 1,5 year, so not that much. I don't text with her often, but when we do she tells me she really likes me and she misses me, and she says I'm handsome. She wants to go on camping trip with me by the end of next month, but most of our appointements don't happen because she stops answering her phone so this will probably not happen.

    The problem is that I think we would perfectly fit together when she allowed us to. I have so much fun with her, It feels like being with a friend and a girlfriend at the same time. I want to see her more and kiss her again, but I'm not sure if she wants this aswell… She's a little shy when I see her, so I think she won't make a move, even if she wanted to. She's still feeling depressed sometimes, so it's hard to tell what she wants.

    What should I do? Can I help her? Should I put in effort or let things be the way they are? Should I tell her about my thoughts? I don't want to scare her :s

    #208923

    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Regi,

    I would leave her alone, and let her make the first (and last!) moves.

    If you do want to say anything, you should flip the script and tell HER, “I would love to be in a relationship with you. Tell me when you're starting treatment for your depression and we'll see what happens”. Yes, it can come across as mildly patronizing, but it will jog her out of her passiveness. Her, “Oh, I'm going to blow Regi off about the camping trip because: depression!”

    She doesn't get to make all the decisions. You get to have boundaries too.

    Good Luck!

    Inky

    #208937

    Kumar
    Participant

    Dear Regi,

    It is very important how stable you are? If you know how to manage your mind and emotion, be stable whatever her reaction, positive/negative, then you can approach her 1 more time, last one. Keep the approach kind and clean, very important. If she don't or give negative response then stay away from her. Don't disturb her.

    If you are not stable, will be pulled down by her negative response then better don't try anymore. Not good for both of you.

    #208953

    Gmann
    Participant

    Hey Regi,  It sounds like you got this pretty down pat. I have been now in two different women who were depressed and it went bad. So I don't close anything off because there have been so many good times as well and I know people handle things differently.   The common  link for me is the ” come here I have got to have, worship , adore, endless love. followed by a behavior that says, go away. My life is to busy,  to be a yo yo  .

    #209297

    Regi
    Participant

    Thank you for your answers, you all made a good point. At the moment I'm high on life, so I wouldn't be very dissapointed when she blows me off, I have nothing to lose. I don't expect anything from her because I know she's unstable. I might just let things happen and see what it brings us. Maybe this camping trip will change everything, but probably she will change her mind and stay home. We'll see 🙂 Thanks guys!

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