We had been seeing each other for a year. In person every month, sometimes twice. We texted and spoke every day.

He was also the guy I lost my virginity to, and he knows that.

It only started to dwindle over the summer, as I really began making the move.

At one point he said to me, “I really do care about you, but please understand I’m not making any promises yet. But I want to be with you.”.

I understood that. You can’t really get a full understanding of someone enough to make a commitment in a long distance relationship, at least I feel.

And although we had spoke about wanting kids together, I knew that wasn’t in the immediate future. I was also unsure how much he really wanted them.

so one night he texted me and asked if I was still on birth control.

i said “ yes. I know you don’t want a kid with me just yet lol.”

Then the thought bubble went on and off screen several times, and my next message wasn’t delivered.

Tgat was when he blocked me last, and I can’t figure out why?

Worst of all I can’t ask him.

Thank you for your reply.

I have always not liked the way I look. That is mainly what kept me from dating when I was younger.

I agree that I need to get live for myself. I’m actually planning on speaking to a therapist this week.

I also am afraid I’m never going to love someone they way I love him.

I’m mad at myself for whatever I did to ruin it.

I can’t tell if it’s because he actually wants kids and got mad about what I said, or was more mad that I knew he didn’t want them?

Last night, I was able too email him and he responded. But as of now I’m still blocked.

In the email I just asked if I could still see him when I move down.

he said yes, let me know when you get here.

Hi Anita,

It is a bit confusing. I think it’s a combination of things.

He actually has a career in the military, and had been in many major conflicts. So, he is a decent good person.

Because of his career and life, he had been burned by women in the past who cheated on him or couldn’t handle his schedule.

I think that being in his own so long and also being burned by women has contributed to a sort of detachment from commitment at this point, and his ambivalence towards me.

He has called me saying he wants me forever, and feels like he could love me, and then pulls away.

I think he’s confused, but not purposefully trying to mislead me.

I think he wants to meet in person to discuss moving forward, or how am in person relationship would go.

Our plan is to meet for drinks when I move in.

I think if others read this, they could learn from my mistakes.

If you have issues with self image or depression, address the immediately. The sooner the better. They will not resolve themselves.

I was bullied a lot, put down by family members, and had no friends growing up. I was always the tallest, developed the fastest, and had a big nose and pale skin. I never liked what I saw, or wanted to be seen.

At 14 i deveoped an eating disorder, and it lasted about 2.5 years. My parents told me to stop or i would be kicked out of their house.

i had no where to go so I did, but my issues lingered. I got better at hiding them.

I didn’t realize how much that carried over into my adult life until recently. It feels a bit overwhelming trying to take on these issues now, but it’s okay because things can only get better.

At least with age, you realize looks aren’t everything, but it’s still sometimes hard to have people look at me.

Hi Anita,

I think I should have just spoke to my doctor, or a counselor, or reached out to someone.

I only just began speaking to a therapist recently.

My family is pretty much the same. And I’ve learned to not expect to change people.

So I guess I was saying if you are young( or any age) and you realize you’re negative thoughts or feelings about yourself are holding you back, the sooner you address them, the better, because these thoughts will hold you back.

Thank you also for responding Anita.

I will update when or if anything else transpires.