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I made Stupide decision in the past and Today I am paying the price "

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Viewing 5 posts - 1 through 5 (of 5 total)
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  • July 10, 2017 at 12:44 pm #157360
    Harold
    Participant

    Hi all,

    Couple years ago, I was having two closer friends female and the first girl had shown so much that she was interested in being in serious relationships with me. She was so hard and tough to open up, she could drive to my place and we could stay outside for hours talking, because she was so though and I didn’t show any interest in everything she was doing. The second girl had all the qualities that I was earnestly seeking in woman. Both were friends but not such close. So I fell in love with the second girl and rejected the former due to her being tough and strong character. The second girl whom I fell in love with,  everything was going well. Suddenly after 6 months of relationships, she suddenly ended our relationships, saying something like ” I don’t feel ready to get married. I was traumatized and I lost even the taste of life. I went through a lot. It is a feeling that I am not to experience again. It was harder to move on. I had gotten a lot of advises from Tinybuddha.com that helped me to move on.

    Here is the issues that I am facing right now. The former was aware of the relationship I had. She stoped communicating with me. 8 months after healing from the past, I started getting in touch with the her . She didn’t want to talk to me or do anything nor even see me. After several attempts inviting her for cup of coffee, she was rejecting everything I could do to ask her out. All this start causing pains within me and stressing me and I felt even a depression. Two weeks ago, I called her and asked her to meet with me for dinner, she finally accepted then something happen the same day, she had stomach pains. I was angry thought maybe she is lying rather it was serious. She apologized and postponed for the next Friday. Finally we met on Friday and we had awesome time. I realized that I had made a huge mistake for not seeing all she was doing for me me and to see how beautiful creature she is. We talked and laughed all went as planned. ” I told her there are so many things I want to be talking, I send messages she replied after 40min or 1hour, then I said though you re not replying let me call, still you re not taking my calls? She said to me: she likes her space, she doesn’t enjoy chating or phone call. She likes personal conversations where people see each other. She said she doesn’t like people checking out on her here  and there´ she feels as if somebody is sneaking on her. ”

    Now i am more in love with her, she doesn’t take me more seriously and it hates me deeply. I want to talk to her. I can call she isn’t answering my calls or returning any calls. At least she tried to reply but after a while.

    I am lost. Every day I blame myself for choosing the easy side of things. I don’t know what to do!

    what can I do to break the wall and get her attention?

    Note: I noted everytime I  wanna do something with her, there are something that would happen to prevent me to meeting with her. Just as I was trying to gapproval for a dinner, suddenly there is another girl that showed up and friends seem liking her. But I still think of the former as a right choice. I made up my  mind come what may, I have to get her back .

    Harold

    July 11, 2017 at 4:27 am #157428
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Harold,

    Two things are going on here.

    1. Even if the second girl never existed, the first girl would still have a tough character and not like texts or phone calls. That is just her personality.

    2. You are indeed paying for choosing the other girl first. This one will NOT be second choice. Nor will she chase a guy or be all accommodating for him. That too, is her nature.

    Your best bet is to keep trying, but be patient about it and don’t take things personally. If that is too hard, you should move on.

    Best,

    Inky

    July 11, 2017 at 9:21 am #157484
    PearceHawk
    Participant

    Hi Harold,

    What I see, at least on the surface, is that there is a history with the first girl of repeatedly not wanting to spend time with you for reasons that she has. I also see your repeated efforts to “see” her only to end up with some emotional disturbances that I am sure affect you greatly. The reasons she has to not want to see you, are legitimate reasons to her. When you said, “Now i am more in love with her, she doesn’t take me more seriously and it hates me deeply. I want to talk to her. I can call she isn’t answering my calls or returning any calls.” Why do you say that you are in love with a woman who wants to move on with her life? She may very well not want to be involved with you or anyone else and you should be the bigger person and respect her reasons as being just that, her reasons. Her reasons are not for anyone to try to change. As you continue to pursue a relationship with a woman who does not want to commit you, you are missing SO many chances of meeting “that special someone” because your efforts are focused on what you want, regardless of what the other person wants. This is not fair to either of you. I would like to offer that, perhaps you should thank her, either to her personally or through thought, for having your lives come together however briefly, and wish her happiness in her journey. I know my response can easily be misconstrued as negative, hostile, defensive, or whatever word you choose. I assure you my friend they are not.

    Pearce

     

    July 11, 2017 at 1:44 pm #157536
    Harold
    Participant

    Hi Inky

    I wanna thank you. As you said “Your best bet is to keep trying, but be patient about it and don’t take things personally. If that is too hard, you should move on.”

    I think for sure I need to be a bit patient and also I need to learn not to take things personally, I tend to blame myself for the past mistakes.

     

    I truly appreciate your inputs.

     

    Harold

     

    July 11, 2017 at 1:51 pm #157538
    Harold
    Participant

    Hi Pearce,

    please accept my gratitude for your inputs and suggestions which I value so much.

    you have a point here when you said: I also see your repeated efforts to “see” her only to end up with some emotional disturbances that I am sure affect you greatly.  It does affect my happiness, my weekly routine, last Sunday it was terrible. I felt down and felt lonely, I was wanting her attention but she was unavailable. As she said she doesn’t want to get messages every now and then. At my work, every one had noticed that I was not well.

     

    I take all your suggestions into consideration.

    thank you again

     

    Harold

    • This reply was modified 7 years, 4 months ago by Harold.
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