Hello Anita

I am good, thank you for always checking on me 🙂

Thanks for digging out this post. Because of this I re-read this thread. I realized, my ex has not changed at all. The initial perception of her, not able to be completely honest, emotionally unavailable, actually still existed by the time we broke up. When I read how I wrote what happened then, It sounds like that ‘I’ was more assertive, clear-headed and probably more in-tune my heart. I was in a better state when I was not dating her!

She probably did open up a bit in between, but that was not long lasting. That was not her. She did it because of me, becuase i wanted clarity, because I wanted more answers/ connectedness from her. It was not a change that came from herself.

A couple of things happened these days. I dreamed of her breaking up with me twice in the past two weeks, it got me upset for a while, as if my process went backwards. I have been visiting shelters to really want to see if i could adopt a cat or a dog. I started my 10k running plan again. I managed to do headstand which i wanted to do for a while, but didn’t really put effort or engaged in training before my break up. I registered for volunteering.

The other day I bought my ex a tin of Garrett popcorn and put it in the yoga studios that we go, since the stores are closing in my city. She likes this store very much. I didn’t think too much before I bought this, Initially I thought i wanted to have some sort of process(don’t know, may be talk again?) with this gesture, but later on i realized i don’t need it, or may be i don’t even want it.  I do want her to feel happy or appreciatve towards this, but, she doesn’t need to talk to me. I am happy that she felt happy(which she said so and was thankful for). After that, I felt that I have let go of something, coz i realize, I really don’t need to talk to her.

Regarding  your last post about my fear of being ‘stuck’. I did ponder on it a bit, i think there is a differnce between getting stuck with something i didn’t like / didn’t choose vs I did. For now, I am choosing my own life so I should be happy sticking with it/them. i did feel a bit loosen up afterwards, which lead me to proceed with my adoption.

This weekend, I am going to meet with a new person whom i met in a course that i attended a few weeks ago.It was a rainy day and we were outdoor, she approached me with her umbrealla coz i was only wearing raincoat(which was not enough under such heavy rain), that got us start talking, i asked her to see if she wanted to hike another time and she quickly said yes.

I found her really caring, she asked when i usually wake up so as to decide when we should meet, she is the one who suggested all the restaurants and let me choose. it’s a very different feeling from my ex whom I need to lead a bit more at times. I felt warm and taken care of somehow. I am unsure if she is gay or not, but it definitely feels good to meet a new friend who gives you positive energy. This time I will remember the qualities that i am looking for, honesty, monogamy, straghtforwardness. Let’s see if this goes anywhere.

Have a great morning on your side

Clara

Hello Anita

How are you?

So I spent a Sat morning with this person, she is quite easy to talk to, she seems to be caring and understanding. But I don’t feel any spark, I think we can be friends(and I am happy to be friends with her) for now, i think we will meet up later : )

Yes I remember the qualities I am looking for now. I am still looking for a pet to adopt, interesting I realized the process is similar. I saw a photo of a cat which is available for adoption. When I went to meet him, he was very nervous, I could not even touch him. That got me thinking: I like him in the photo, but he seems to be so nervous of me, would i be able to handle him?

It’s like I had sparks, but then the characters seem to be not matching. I guess it can take time for them to warm up, especially he was a stray cat in his early life(his hand was injured a year ago that got him to the shelter), I am pondering on this, on whether I should adopt him and develop (a relationship literally) with him

I guess I need to choose a cat first, before things get completed, and I need to change the window a bit to prevent them from jumping off the building etc. otherwise, it should be fast

I also, recently applied to be a volunteer on  a weekly basis, to one of the shelter for children. They are either abandoned/ in foster care, what I will do is, to provide individual attention(and attachment figure i assume) for these kids. I find this really fascinating and this excites me, as I am exploring my attachment and trying to help myself feeling more secure, I got this opportunity to help other human beings become more secure. This came to me as I realized how important attachment is.

Will update again later, wish you well!

Hello Anita

Thank you. I will try to remember re the sparks(one easily gets light-headed when sparks occur,  that’s my issue also)

I also feel uncomfortable that the cat is nervous around me. I express this to the shelter, that I am a new cat owner and that I am unsure if I can really bond with this nervous kiddo. The staff and volunteer in this shelter is very nice and they suggest me to visit him more to see how I feel later. I am opened to adopting two cats(since they can play together when I am not at home), and they are trying to help me find one that is friendly to this nervous cat and human.

I have visited many shelters these two months. They all gave me very different feelings, one of which have staff who seems not knowing much about the animals they have, nor do they seem to care. Later on I read online as well as heard from friends and other animal welfare volunteers that the owner of this ‘shelter’, actually get their cats from their own cat selling shop, thus these cats actually are either sick, or unsold, thus ends up here. The application form is a bit fishy also, as it kept asking if you would purchase things from them, whether you do pet grooming, check up before you adopt them etc etc.

Although I like one of the cats there, and that I have visited her a few times, I end up dropping the application because I feel that if I get the cats from there, i am indirectly encouraging what they are doing.

Then there is another one who is doing a lot of publicity, but when it comes to replying my messages,  they don’t seem to be active(as if this is not too much of a priority as well). I sense that the adoption is not a priority for them.

Then there is this agency that I am currently engaged with. I have went to their adoption day twice, and have spoked to quite  a number of ‘foster parents’, they are very honest and have told me the character of the cat that they are currently fostering. They are all telling different stories and I can sense they think being honest is the best policy to find potential adoptions. They would even have whatsapp support to let you know how to help the cat adapt, and how the cat has been in the foster home. I feel they genuine care about the cats. And the cats are all mixed breed, really one of those who are less preferred in here.

I feel the whole process is like finding a partner, with hiccups here and there, and finally found a person who seems to be the ‘right person'(still unsure)

re the volunteering programme. Yes i am excited about it also. I did hesitate for a bit since it is a one year long commitment. But I remember the time when I went solo travelling in south America. From there I learned some ‘fear'(for a lack of a better word) is good and is just because I am going out of my comfort zone, others are actual ‘fear’ that may cause harm.  I think this is a good fear and it’s just me going out of the comfort zone(plus I really the support the cause of this).
I feel a lot is happening after the breakup, and I am doing a lot of things that i truly want, now that I am not swayed or need to accommodate the needs of another person

Weather is changing and the autumn breeze feels nice. Hope you have a chance to enjoy the nice weather in this time of the year.

Clara