I wish there was, but I don’t think there is an easy or fast solution to your distress. Nothing that I can post here, nothing that anyone can post, that will resolve your distress, clear your confusion and all will be good.
It can get better, over time, you will see, if you give it time and if you work on it in psychotherapy, as I suggested in my last post to you.
Again, this is not a matter of sexual orientation, not at this point. It is a matter of your distress in the context of closeness with another person. You expressed lots of concern regarding hurting friends. What I suggest is that you tell them the truth, as is, that you have trouble with closeness, that it automatically scares you (you can’t help it), and that is why you withdraw and not reach out.
It is also true that you need to connect with others, we are born with that need, as the social animals that we are. Therefore you are conflicted.
A conflict that you can aim at resolving, with time and work, patiently.