@anita

Hi Anita

Your points really hit home – that’s the one side of my thinking.

She always admitted to trying to making me jealous and how it never worked – she said she’d want me to be a little more possessive rather than little interest and time I spent on her. I guess at the time I saw her as easily replaceable or the relationship didn’t mean much to me.

Her interest in Imran is quite clear and I’ve spoke to her about this – she’s told me she always feared I’d leave and as much as she liked me she questioned where the relationship would be going or how long I’d stay. It doesn’t sit right with me but I couldn’t offer her what she wanted at the time and even when she did ask me, I’d said no. So I don’t think it gives me a right to hold her back?
In her eyes there’s no relationship without marriage – what we had was simply a bit of fun and she had her goals set out. In truth, I felt and knew the same at the time – I feel like I’m bringing my feelings that I have now to analyse the situation whereas I didn’t feel so strongly about her then.

I can’t forgive her for her lying but I can understand it. She knew telling me the truth would result in me leaving – it’d have been a scary place to be in and not one I’d want to be in myself.

I’ve asked her and she says she didn’t want to ruin what we had for a stupid mistake – that she only considered this guy for selfish reasons (marriage) and that it’d provide her the life she wanted.

I took your advice and spoken to my closest friend about it and he takes the view that it’s manageable. Her considering Imran was fair because I never gave her reason to stay – I knew what she wanted in life and her goals of marriage but I was happy being non committed. Again, he agreed her lying isn’t excusable but I should view stuff from her angle – the reasons she lied and the fear she’d have felt.

I’m stuck in limbo. I adore the girl and would want someone to forgive me if I’d made the same mistakes – however I’m worried if I’ll ever trust her again?

I honestly appreciate your thoughts and input Anita 🙂

LostSoul92

Hi @Anita,

Yes that’s all true – for me that was normal whereas for her she’d never done that before.
The way she described it was that she let me in, forgotten all her values and I still didn’t want to keep/want her.
I was the first man she’d ever let touch her and this lasted for the first 2/3 months.

After speaking to her I did understand something though – whenever this topic would come up and given how much it bothered me, I wouldn’t ask questions; it’d be more hounding and interrogating her repeatedly. I explained how all I wanted to know was whether she considered him and we could’ve moved past it – she told me that I’d never put it that way before, more that if she’d considered him that was the end of our relationship.

I’m trying out forgiveness for now – this happened at the start of our relationship and I need to understand how I was back then rather than my feelings for her now.
What is hard though is spending all that time trying to convince myself he was nothing – to changing my beliefs again. I’m not saying it’ll be easy but I’m willing to try though 🙂

Do keep giving me your thoughts and advice though – I do appreciate it.

LostSoul92