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I think I am sabotaging my relationships

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  • September 26, 2017 at 11:03 am #170429
    KINDNESS
    Participant

    Apologies if this sounds like a cliché…I have been seeing a man for a couple of months. He is in the process of coming out of a marriage, but was still in the family home when we met.

    I am aware of the red flags…wanting to get serious too soon for example, and we are both emotionally intelligent people, but I just can’t get rid of the idea that I am the rebound relationship. On paper he is someone I would like to have a relationship with, and not just on paper….this is what I want, but I am so nervous to get stung that I am almost wriggling out of it. I have a history of attracting men who have treated me less than well shall we say. I wonder if he is ready to move on and that in fact the problem is me.

    How can I calm down and take things as they are without anticipating that I am the rebound and as soon as he feels stronger he’ll realise that I am not worth his time? Sounds pathetic I know.

    September 26, 2017 at 11:58 am #170445
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi There!

    To simplify Everything:

    1. Tell him you’ll date him WHEN he is  (finally) divorced. This way you wouldn’t be the Rebound Girl.

    2. In the meantime, take things slowly but only with guys who have NO baggage.

    Blessings,

    Inky

    September 27, 2017 at 5:26 am #170545
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear KINDNESS:

    Is he no  longer living in the family home and is his physical separation complete?

    You are worried about being a rebound relationship for this man. A Rebound Relationship (online definition) is “one in which a person becomes overly quick to commit to a new partner after having experienced an upsetting breakup or divorce.”

    My input: a man (or woman) may be overly quick to commit to a new partner at any time in his life, be it after a breakup or following years of not being in a relationship.

    What you are afraid of is that he is with you not because he values you, not because you are special to him, a Someone,  but because he is desperate, lonely, upset and is looking to feel better no matter who he is with, could be Anyone. Is my understanding correct?

    anita

    October 10, 2017 at 12:05 am #172533
    Kelley
    Participant

    Thank you for sharing this as I am in a similar situation. Only the other half does not want to let go. There is baggage

    I feel guilt and confusion over this. He does value me and has kept his word every step of the way. I have no reason to not trust him despite some red flags.

    I fear being in denial from accepting mistreatment and misreading situations from my past relationships.

     

    I have already crossed a boundary with myself by going into my situation and becoming a point of contention.

    I do fear being a rebound and that I am just bound to be attracted to emotionally detached men. However, this man is the most connected that I’ve ever felt with someone.

    So, I keep taking care of myself. Showing myself compassion.. Meditating and praying. At times, I have reset boundaries to ensure that I am taking time for myself and practicing self love.

    Regardless.. I do relate and you’re not alone.

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

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