i think my family hates me

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    Everytime I start a conversation with my family it turns into a big fight. My mom is a single parent and I have 2 brothers. I think, no, not think, I believe  my elder brother in particular hates me. my mom sides with him openly but when he is not there she accepts that it was his fault. I am always told to stay quiet or to ignore him but i dont remember if she says it to him. I am a middle child and my younger brother tries. i mean i feel him making an effort to talk to me and he is okay but he still likes my elder brother better. Most of their (my brothers) tantrums are rewarded while i am verbally and emotionally abused. My mom is mostly taunting me about how my future husband will beat me if i continue these things . and by things i mean standing up for myself. she hates when i talk back but its okay for my brothers to do so. Its always me vs them, i always feel like an outcast in my own home. the feeling of not belonging in my own family makes me all kinds of sad. I am currently in the final year of my college and i am looking for jobs. i just wish i would get a job far from from home. I mean i have good times with my mom but i feel it that she likes my brothers better. and i mean she is the most wonderful woman, she tried to fulfil all our wishes to the best of her limits but its just very clear sometimes : she likes my brothers better. she tolerates them so much while i am usually shouted at or thrown stuff at. my brother wants to become a horrible person like he takes pride when someone(mostly me)tells him he is rude, sexiest and frankly quiet dumb.  there’s hardly anytime when i am not fighting with my elder brother. He  just pisses me off to the point that i think of dying or running away.all kinds of questions like : will they miss me ? should i run away? run through my mind. most of the times i am disgusted by him. I would leave but i dont have a job. i hope somebody i will move out and not i wont have to deal with them


    Dear p

    I am so sorry that you have to live with such a dysfunctional family. Once you have finished college it will be easier to gain your freedom. There is a site called workaway there are lots of opportunities all over the world you basically work for 20-25 hours and they give you food & accommodation the placements are varied and could give you an idea of what you want to do & where you would like to live.

    There maybe not a lot you can do about the way you are spoken to & treated at the moment, but you are in the driving seat when it comes to how you interact with other family members – which I know is much easier said than done  when you probably feel bombarded from all sides and the feelings that that must arise within.  I hope that you can find a support network near where you live such as a church or meditation group or volunteering opportunities. At some point you may benefit from some therapy sessions to help you process your childhood.



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