Dear Jadwiga:

Do not worry: I will not insult you, not in this post, not in any future post to you, I will not express any doubt about you telling the truth, I will not ask you for details about your molestation, and I will not give you the false sympathy. I do not feel guilt-tripped by you, and I am not one of those fortunate people who had an “innocent childhood.. showered with love”.

You shared that you are a minor, living with your parents and with your adult sister. Your parents have hated each other and fought all the time, your family was “always divided”, and you “never really could experience a real family”.

Your sister has secretly hated your parents, and at 21, while you were a younger minor, she “committed horrible acts” on you, “definitely molestation”. You referred to her as “a pedophile” for what she did to you.

At the time of the molestation, you didn’t realize it was molestation, and you took photos of her without her knowledge before or after the molestation incident, one showed a bit of her underwear. You later realized that indeed, it was molestation, confronted her, and she denied it, lied, and tried to shift the blame to you.

You wrote that you “feel sympathy for people even if they’ve wronged me”- I assume you are referring to feeling sympathy for your sister, and if I understand correctly, you feel guilty for having taken photos of her without her consent.

You shared that at the age of 9 or 10, you “dry hump(ed)” your mother for a few seconds, “not knowing that it was bad”. Your mother forgave you for all of your “past mistakes since I was still a kid and I wouldn’t do it again”, but nonetheless, you feel “very uneasy thinking about it”. It makes you think that you are “no longer a victim because of the things I did”, and you don’t want to think of yourself  “as a rapist and in the same category as my pedophile sister”.

Your father is in a bad mental state. He said that the only reason he lives is because of you and your sister. You don’t want to tell him about the molestation because you are afraid that he will not believe you, or that if he believes you, he will kill himself over having raised your sister, a pedophile.

My input today:

1. If I understand correctly, you are no longer at risk of being molested by your sister (?) It is important that any and all children will be protected from your sister, that she will not be allowed to spend time alone with other children. If it takes telling any one of your parents about the molestation so that they will protect other children, it is necessary that you do indeed tell any one of them, or both.

2. I understand you feeling sympathy for your sister at times. I felt intense sympathy for my mother, for the longest time, even though she hurt me badly. Regardless of that sympathy, I hope you hold your sister accountable for the wrong she inflicted on you, especially it being that she was an adult when she wronged you.

3. The fact that you dry humped your mother for a few seconds when you were 9 or 10, and your mother was in her thirties or forties, on an impulse of sort, does not change the fact that you were your sister’s victim when your sister, as an adult, molested you (a child), and later denied it and tried to shift the blame to you. What you did to your mother was inappropriate, but it was not a molestation, nor was it a rape.

Regarding you taking photos of your sister without her consent before or after she molested you (without your consent!!!)- I don’t see a valid reason for your guilty feelings on the matter.

4. Your parents hating each other and fighting a lot; your father being in a bad mental state, talking to his children about taking his own life- all that created a damaging home environment for your sister and you; a chaotic, unsafe, unfair environment for any child. Damaged people tend to proceed and damage others. This is not an excuse for your sister having molested you, and she indeed should be held accountable and suffer some consequences for what she did.

Post again if you want to. I would like to read  more about your thoughts and feelings.

anita