Home→Forums→Relationships→I wasted lifes opportunity because I was delusional
- This topic has 12 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 8 years, 2 months ago by XenopusTex.
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August 2, 2016 at 2:37 am #111290DuaneParticipant
Hi all
Long story short I met the love of my life and didn’t realise it until i pushed him so far away that he left me.
Do people believe that I can recover from the bad things I have done, emotional bullying.
Will the universe give me a second chance? Do I deserve one?
Has anyone here managed to really transform themselves for the better? If so, how?
August 2, 2016 at 4:53 am #111292InkyParticipantHi imissandyssngbf,
We always romanticize crappy parts of our life. (“Remember that charming moldy apartment in the bad neighborhood with the lovely eccentric alcoholic screamer down the hall? Those were the days!”)
Listen, he was NOT the love of your life if you emotionally abused him and pushed him away. Nor were you even happy.
Of course, you have to change your bad habits. But even if you weren’t mean to him you would not have been as happy as you let on.
And YES, you will find someone else. And treat them with respect no matter how long the relationship lasts.
Best,
Inky
August 2, 2016 at 8:41 am #111310sandstormParticipanttalk to your guy about it. if he really loved you, u will have a chance …
August 2, 2016 at 9:11 am #111313AnonymousGuestDear imissandyssngbf:
You made your long story too short to see much of anything. You wrote that you emotionally bullied your ex boyfriend? How did you bully him; what did you do to him?
anita
August 2, 2016 at 9:51 am #111317DuaneParticipantWhen I first met them I thought it was a one night thing. Then we got close and I didn’t think I was falling for him. I was having trouble with work and my only emotional attachment to the city I was in was him. I thought if we ended it all i could just leave and go back to a life that no longer exists.
I was horrible to him – I called him ugly, belittled him and constantly told him he was a freak.
I didn’t mean to – I didn’t see him as my equal when in fact he was my superior. Now I look at myself and I see an ugly failure.
I can’t stop texting him out of love and guilt. He was a breath of fresh air in a life I devoted my attention to in all the wrong areas.
I really think this was my last chance and that the rest of my life will be bitter when I had sweetness I was to blind to see.
This isn’t going to get him back but I hope the universe will forgive me. I guess I have to try and forgive myself. I will always love you Andy.
August 2, 2016 at 11:17 am #111327AnonymousGuestDear imissandyssngbf:
You wrote that your ex boyfriend was your superior although you treated him as an inferior. Maybe his behavior toward you was superior to yours, but his person is as worthy as you, not more and not less.
The words you told him were very abusive. Too bad.
I hope you learned to not talk that way to anyone again, no matter how you feel, how angry you feel. Control yourself.
When you texted him since the breakup, how has he responded?
anita
August 2, 2016 at 11:31 am #111328DuaneParticipantWith the up most decency, respect and care. He is an amazing person and I’d be lucky to ever have that again.
August 2, 2016 at 12:11 pm #111330AnonymousGuestDear imissandyssngbf:
Is there a chance that you will get back together with him (in a mutually loving and respectful way this time)?
Is that what you are trying to do, texting him? What is his position on a relationship with you?
I don’t know if it is a good idea but if you’d like to share and examine this further, please do.
anita
August 2, 2016 at 12:46 pm #111336DuaneParticipantWe’ve been in contact. Not loads but still talking.
He’s said he forgives me and that he misses me desperately (at the beginning of the brake up).
I pray to get back with him but his amazing family and friends have quite rightly helped him to recover from what I put him through.
I’m not sure if this is the best for him and me but I really do yearn for him. If anyone is reading this – take my warning, if your in a bad place, don’t try and make others reach your level
He has made a better person and I have noticed a difference in the way I interact and talk to people. Fate or luck brought us together – I would honestly wait a 1000 years to be with him again.
August 2, 2016 at 12:56 pm #111338AnonymousGuestDear imissandyssngbf:
If you learned your lesson, you might be a better match for him now than another woman who is yet to learn this lesson. Your verbal abuse of him was harsh and there are lots of women who abuse their men, verbally, in less harsh sounding, less overt ways, suggesting indirectly, for example, that the man is a freak but not using the word, like you have.
Neither kind of abuse is good, all abuse is bad. What I am saying is that other women out there are abusive, and many in less overt but yet damaging ways. And it is better for him to get together with a past abuser who has learned her lesson than with a woman yet to learn.
anita
August 2, 2016 at 1:05 pm #111339DuaneParticipantI hope we get back together but I also wish him nothing but happiness.
Life is a river after all – maybe our paths diverged. Detachment with love might be necessary – he has given me the best gift a person could ask for.
Scared of my future but happy that he was strong enough to realise that he was worth more. I can be worth more too in time x thank you all for your support
August 2, 2016 at 1:12 pm #111340AnonymousGuestDear imissandyssngbf:
You are welcome. I hope you do indeed continue to heal from what motivated you to abuse him then. I like your attitude from what I read in your posts- humble and not selfish. I like it. Post anytime.
anita
August 6, 2016 at 10:59 pm #111752XenopusTexParticipantI am surprised that he responded to you. Would you like being called names?
There was a woman that I cared deeply about, who I would have truly done just about anything for, etc., right up until she started insulting stuff. It was what made me saw that I was done, despite feeling more deeply toward her than any woman I have met.
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