I’m Afraid

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    Okay so a bit of background on myself before I start; I come from a very, VERY Christian home. I’ve been a professing Christian for the entire 17 years of life I have been on this Earth. My dad is a theologist, studiest nearly every religion you can think of and knows quite literally any and everything there is to know about Christianity and those other religions. Anyways, I know a lot as well, but I have (as of a month ago) “left the Faith” because of a number of issues. It’s fear mongoring, there are contradictions in the Bible (also in the Book of Mormon, Qu’ran, blah blah blah, not gonna get into it) so I can’t rightly believe it. There is also the fundamental belief in epistimology that we cannot be sure of any truth. So no matter what amount of evidence we have, we cannot be sure of the valitity of Christianity.
    I have been epxloring spirituality on my own, with only the help of people like Spirit Science, Vishuddha Das and various sources for things like sacred geometry, just using my own logical reasoning, and intuition (i think that’s the word) to sift out the truth. And I believe that there are truths in every religion out there on some level, but I have come to the conclusion that “all roads lead to God” whatever, or whoever God may be. I have no guides, and can’t even visit a spirit center for fear of being kicked out of the house (I move out in a year or so).
    So, being a Christian, and in a Christian home for 17 years, you can imagine I’ve been brainwashed on some level. Basically, I’m fearful of Hell. The idea of Hell is already bad enough. Burining in a firey darkness for eternity? No thanks! (It’s not described as what pop culture has made it where you can party and whatever. It’s darkness, you can’t move, and it’s for eternity.) Not only that, but there are different levels of punishment in Hell for certain individuals who were supposedly “more evil” than another. I can’t find the verse, but basically there is a worse punishment for those who knew Christ, and chose to deny Him, which scares me.
    Another thing is that in the Bible, when we sin we have our punishment on earth. In the duration of me leaving Christianity, I’ve lost my part time job, I’ve crashed my car, and got in trouble with my parents for lying to them. (I was drifting in the car, but I told them it was an accident, I swear my dad is Monk, he knew from the skid marks. Also my mum has taken many courses on how to read people lying with words, body language, etc. I’m a good liar, and they were able to tell this time) Anyways, I got a new job just in the past week so that’s good, but it’s made me afraid that this could possibly be evidence of a Christian God.
    I need evidence that Christianity is false, because it goes against everything that I think people should be or practice (fear mongoring, telling people what to do/what not to do on arbitrary issues) but I also don’t know what happens when we die, then. I’ve been attempting astral projection for the past month with two methods a night (I do that by doing WBTB at like 3 am) and heard that the astral realm is the afterlife, or a way to the spirit realm, whatever that is.
    Any feedback is much appreciated, sorry for the long post! 🙂


    hi Lindzee,

    I’ve been on a unique journey with my beliefs. I started as conservative Christian then feminism changed then. I was briefly an atheist and it was the angriest time of my life. I returned to Christianity but a more liberal progressive type. I began having spiritual experiences such as this- the name Meekah kept coming to my head. I was like, “Who’s Meekah?” It turned out to be a little girl at a daycare I helped turn around. Well…I had this name in my head long before I ever saw the roster or started that job. It was a premonition. I have more experiences but I’m not sharing them publicly at this time. Anyways, I started to dabble in new age (reiki has done wonders for me) and became this- I’m a mix of New Age, Christian and Buddhist but none as they are. I do believe in hell. I read Neal Donald Walsh say even Hitler goes to heaven because there’s no hell and every fiber of my being fought this idea. I knew that there was more to this life. I knew that there was a hell because there should be one. But I do not believe we are sent there for just anything. I believe we experience spiritual experiences whether we believe or not. Ever fall in love? Make someone happy? Help a stranger? But there’s no one way to just being with God. You’re right about that. It’s about who you ARE. Belief helps but it doesn’t determine if God loves you. In fact there is nothing you can do to earn God’s love and forgiveness.

    Those are my views. I would say that the bible is very inaccurate but I always felt moved by Jesus. I think there’s a lot we don’t know so we have to stay open. I wouldn’t shut down completely from God if I were you. But I wouldn’t hold the same views as my father or upbringing if they felt wrong for me.

    Hope that helps!



    Dear Lindzee:

    You wrote: “I have (as of a month ago) ‘left the Faith’ because of a number of issues. It’s fear mongering.. I’m fearful of Hell.”.

    The concepts of heaven and hell were invented and promoted by humans who are in some position of power, for the purpose of manipulating the behavior of people who are subjected to their power, encouraging approved-of behaviors by offering heaven, and discouraging disapproved-of behaviors by threatening hell.

    Imagine this scenario: a parent disapproves of his/ her child’s behavior. To discourage the child from repeating the disapproved-of behavior, the parent may (but shouldn’t!) yell at the child, or physically punish the child (giving the child a bit of hell). To encourage the child to behave in approved-of ways, the parent may reward the child with candy (giving the child a taste of heaven).

    But the parent cannot always be present to witness the child’s behavior, and reward or punish it, and so, the parent figures: if I tell the child that someone is always watching her.. an invisible entity, a god that is always there, and that this god will reward or punish her, depending on her behavior- then I have power over my child’s behavior even if I am not present!

    The idea may have been born in the context of parenting and extended to the bigger context of the church.

    “Another thing is that in the Bible, when we sin we have our punishment on earth. In the duration of me leaving Christianity, I’ve lost my part time job, I’ve crashed my car, and got in trouble with my parents for lying to them” – these things happen a lot, to many teenagers who did not leave Christianity (because of various reasons, ex.,  losing one’s job because of the pandemic).

    There is no entity watching. Our actions affect others in many ways, some of our actions/ behaviors are helpful (ex., a: being kind to others, b: minimizing the use of plastic), some are harmful (ex., a: being rude to others, b: using lots of plastic). When we harm others and the planet, we make the world a worse place, and long-term, we will suffer from the harm we do to others/ the planet (the world is getting hellishly hot because of human misbehaviors, particularly politicians, isn’t it?)

    We suffer and will continue to suffer for the harm we do, not because there is an entity watching, taking notes, but because of the law of cause and effect: our actions/ behaviors have consequences.

    I hope to read more from you!



    Thank you guys a lot for your responses! This really helped, and I actually met two people at my new job today who are spiritual, so it’s really encouraging. I appreciate your lengthy answers. Cheers!


    Dear Lindzee:

    You are very welcome. I read your new thread about astral projections, chakras and vibrational stages- terms about which I know little to nothing. I hope that other members will reply to your new thread. Otherwise, you are welcome to post more on this thread, on your new thread, and/or start more threads on other topics.


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