I’m in new relationship and I’m still love and miss my ex

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    Me and my ex broke up after 5years of being together. We broke up because of long distance and I thought he’s my end game but we broke up. He asked for break up and I accepted it. He’s a wonderful bf, he’s my best friend and he’s my rock. Because of the distance, we broken up. It hurts me that it ended but life must go on. We’re in no contact after the break up. I heal and moved on ever since. Fast forward time, I got into new relationship and somehow I still think about my ex. My now boyfriend is a wonderful man but I still think about my ex.

    I still love him even though we’re no longer together. With that, I compare my now relationship with the past relationship. I wish my now bf can do all the things I have done with my ex. Two completely different person and because of that it makes me miss my ex more.

    I’m so confused now. I love both but I love my ex even more. Is this normal ? To be in love with two person ? And still in love with my ex ? It’s draining me. Part of me want my ex back and part of me want to give now relationship a chance. My heart wants what it wants but my head is telling me to let it go.


    Hi Emma

    You posted on the 13th and I’m now reading your post on the 15th. Apologies for the delay. The forum has been unusually busy and your post was pushed to the 2nd page. I don’t think that many people have seen it yet.

    I’m sorry to hear about your break up. Can I ask how long it has been since the break up?

    You were together for 5 years, that is a long time. People often say that it takes half of the time of the relationship to get over it. So if you entered a new relationship before waiting 2 and a half years since your last one it makes perfect sense that you’re having difficulty getting over the loss of that relationship.

    In this case, having these feelings are normal.

    I think you understand that there’s no way for your previous relationship to continue, so you’re trying to move on. But what you logically understand, your heart can take some time to process.

    Please feel free to share your thoughts and feelings.

    Wishing you all the best! 🙏


    Dear Emma

    How often did you & your ex actually meet up  & for how long in those 5 years?

    You do not say if your new relationship is also long distance, but I will reply as if it isn’t

    You may be experiencing what I call ” Honeymoon sydrome”  as long distance relationships are often based on intense short bursts of loving.

    Where as a relationship that is in situ so it also incorporates the mundane and takes a combined effort to help it grow & flourish after the initial excitement of getting together.

    Since your ex was the initiator of the break up & he has chosen not to have any contact with you it is extremely unlikely that he would be up for rekindleing a relationship.

    Yes we all indulge daydreaming and have what if moments, but they can be toxic to you experiencing happiness with the present reality, so I suggest learning some mindfulness techniques so as  & when these thoughts arise you are not trying to suppress them or feed them but see that they are just another set of momentary movements of the mind. After say 6 months you can review with a clearer mind that your supposition.

    Kind regards Roberta


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