My ex boyfriend and I realized after 5 months of separation that the bottom line was that we couldn’t (didn’t want to) live without each other and decided to work out the differences which broke us apart in the first place. We have since involved our families and got engaged. Yeap! There is a wedding in August. My parents are dong wedding shopping in India. Invitations are going out next month. This whole working through the kinks of appearing to be harder than I thought. Here’s a issue… and I do understand that this is only one side of the story and my point of view; there is always another side of the story – two sides a coin. I’m going to try my best to be as objective as I can. We are in a long distance relationship right now – East coast to West coast.

1. We are both of Indian ethnicity (this is relevant). Where he was born and brought up in North America, I was born and brought up in India and the middle east. My schooling, my undergrad and growing up experience is vastly different from his. I have been living here in North America for 10 odd years, and having met his family, friends whom he grew up with, high school, teachers, university, university friends, work, work friends and all the experiences he and his community of people have shared with me have given me a pretty good idea of his life that led up to this point. He on other hand doesn’t understand my experience or what it was like for me growing up. All my old friends are scattered, he hasn’t met many people from my past except my parents and he hasn’t got much info on what made me, me.

2. Here are the kinks which we have largely identified that drove us apart and absolutely get under each other’s skin.
I find him EXTREMELY condescending and patronizing. I work at a leading global tech company and I have worked hard to get here – this piece of information is just to describe that I have the book smarts. I dabble in art, photography, yoga, cooking and in general my parents think I’m the catch. I have no such illusions. everyone has their own flaws. I am very calm, collected and patient in most situations but also sensitive and lack self-confidence about certain things. I am quick to admit my mistake if I truly think I was at fault.
My fiance doesn’t like working even though he is a Project Manager at a healthcare firm. He wants to start his own business because he doesn’t respond well to authority. He hates having a boss. Lately, I find him to be very condescending, patronizing and almost disrespectful in certain ways. He has a very short temper and he doesn’t apologize easily. His delivery is VERY VERY abrasive, laced with swear words (not directed at me, but the situation or for no reason as all), he is harsh, cutting and demoralizing. Getting praise from him his difficult and when I tell him about these things, he says – it’s best to keep expectations to a minimum. Sometimes I think he’s TOO practical. When we had first met, he couldn’t get enough of me. The chase was probably a thrill back then. Now there are days when he only calls or texts me when its wedding related (he’s planning the wedding and I’m fine with that) or some kind of errand or chore related. When we have fights, he blames me for being defensive and keeping score. I agree to a certain extent on the first count, but definitely not the second. I don’t like the fact that he thinks my arguments are childish, adolescent or petty. He thinks our fights are ego clashes but I disagree. It’s ok to have an ego – ego is the sense of self. Its having an inflated sense of ego which is a problem. He gets in my business and tells me how to handle my affairs – be it my relationship with my family, my friends, my exes, how to drive my car, how to weasle out an ultra sound from my doctor, how to work out, what to write in a wedding invitation… it’s driving me nuts. I hate micro management. He states the obvious which irritates me, and when I point all these things out I’m told to stop making stupid assumptions and take things less sensitively.

On the flip side I don’t think he takes my advice easily. I try to bring up situations where he has done similar things to what I’m being “told” for and compare the unfairness of our treatment and he calls that keeping score.
I feel like it comes down to trust. He doesn’t trust me enough yet to let down his guard still and the long distance isn’t helping. I’m really getting tired of this.