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I’m Not Sure How to Regain ‘Control’ (Twin Flame concept mentioned)

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Viewing 9 posts - 1 through 9 (of 9 total)
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  • #387117
    TheNovaStarr
    Participant

    1. I recently (as of August) moved away from my hometown to college, and my life has quite literally fallen apart in front of me. I will try to keep this sweet and simple, but some major points that has happened within my life is…

    • My car broke down
    • My step mother died
    • Because of my step mothers death, most of my family completely dropped me
    • Fighting with college departments regarding health/meal plan
    • Further imploring the meal plan, I have two diseases that impact my daily life with food that have not healed (been almost a year now, was told by multiple healthcare professionals that it would be 6 months max.)
    • I might have to drop therapy due to financial difficulties directly correlated to step mothers death
    • My boss for my job has not messaged me to let me know whether or not I will be working, and I have not working in a solid 3 weeks (since I left to go back home for the funeral)

    There has been more situations that have happened to me, but I managed to somewhat problem solve those.

    I feel as if my life is completely out of my control and I have been patient and I have been meditating and doing reiki to try to fix it, but no matter what my devotion and faith keeps proving to be futile. My life keeps getting worse, and it has been making my mental state steadily get worse and worse. For the past two weeks, I have been feeling nothing but numbness and I have not felt true joy in a while. I understand that there is not one true answer or solution to this, but I just do not know how to keep going when my life keeps getting worse. Which brings me to the next point.

    (I separated this into two different sections because if you do not know what the second part is, then you do not have to answer it)

    2. Simply putting it, a lot of my current anxiety stems from this concept called ‘twin flames’. I have been in semi contact with them via dreams and meditation. So my main driving factor of keeping myself from quite literally ending it all this past year has been the ‘promise’ from guides (which I got from other people, tarot, and my own meditation) that I would meet them within the first month of arriving on campus. It has not happened yet, and every time I ask via tarot card, It keeps telling me ‘oh yes it will happen soon’, but it just keeps getting delayed and it makes me feel like this whole reunion is just being dangled in front of my face as a mockery. Especially since my life is already going to shit and is beyond my literal control.

    This whole situation has been making me slowly lose hope in life because I am no longer seeing the point in hoping when it is proven with nothing. And I don’t mean just losing hope within the twin flame, I no longer have hope within life itself.

    I understand that this whole twin flame journey is supposed to be painful, but I just need to change and I need change in general. But on the flip side, I am also tired of people telling me “It is going to be painful and you will want them as far away from you as possible” because the same people telling me that in real life, I noticed were incredibly toxic people to begin with and resist change at all costs.

    Going on top of all this, this week I had major major signs that the whole reunion was going to happen, and up until last night it really did seem like it was going to. I started to regain hope in life, and I was genuinely happy. But then for whatever reason, this morning all signs just pointed towards no it won’t. I am just so lost and I do not know what to do anymore beside just completely give up on everything.

    #387126
    anita
    Participant

    Dear TheNovaStarr:

    I am sorry that you are going through so many struggles since this last August. We can talk about the different struggles you mentioned, one by one, if you want.

    We can start with this struggle: “I have two diseases that impact my daily life with food that have not healed (been almost a year now..)“- are you referring to food allergies?

    anita

    #387127
    TheNovaStarr
    Participant

    Thank you for offering to talk about this! I really appreciate it 🙂

    Im related to food sensitivities, but I have GERD and IBS, so if I get contamination i’ll get reflux and major fatigue. The main thing that brings me down about that is I feel as if I will never get better and it’s now impacting not only my personal life but my ability to go out with friends.

    #387128
    anita
    Participant

    Dear TheNovaStarr:

    I’ve suffered from IBS from many years, and I know that there is  a close connection between ongoing, elevated anxiety/ stress levels and digestive and intestinal dysfunctions, such as GERD and IBS. And so, the first line of defense is lowering your anxiety/ stress level. You probably know of this connection and recommendation.

    Please feel free to elaborate on this item and on any of the other items of struggles that you mentioned. I will be able to read and reply to you further when I am focused next, which will be Thurs morning my time, in about 15 hours from now (assuming that I will have internet access at that time).

    anita

    #387135
    TeaK
    Participant

    Dear TheNovaStarr,

    I’ve heard of a term “twin flames” and at some point believed it was a very important concept. But over time, I’ve realized that it’s an overrated concept. Because often time it’s a distraction for people to believe that once they find their twin flame, they will be finally happy and fulfilled. It will solve all their problems. You seem to believe similarly:

    So my main driving factor of keeping myself from quite literally ending it all this past year has been the ‘promise’ from guides that I would meet them [my twin flame] within the first month of arriving on campus. It has not happened yet, and every time I ask via tarot card, It keeps telling me ‘oh yes it will happen soon’, but it just keeps getting delayed and it makes me feel like this whole reunion is just being dangled in front of my face as a mockery. Especially since my life is already going to shit and is beyond my literal control.

    This whole situation has been making me slowly lose hope in life because I am no longer seeing the point in hoping when it is proven with nothing.

    Going on top of all this, this week I had major major signs that the whole reunion was going to happen, and up until last night it really did seem like it was going to. I started to regain hope in life, and I was genuinely happy. But then for whatever reason, this morning all signs just pointed towards no it won’t. I am just so lost and I do not know what to do anymore beside just completely give up on everything.

    You feel your life is pointless and “going to shit”, and you are hoping that meeting your twin flame would make it better. That it would give you meaning and hope. The truth is that nobody can “save” us, not even our twin flame. We need to first save ourselves. And you can do that by working on yourself and your issues..

    What sticks out to me as a potential problem, which causes you pain and hopelessness is this:

    • My step mother died
    • Because of my step mothers death, most of my family completely dropped me

    If you would like to share some more about your family and how come that after your stepmother’s death, “they completely dropped you”, please do so…

     

    #387137
    TheNovaStarr
    Participant

    So I understand that only I can save myself, but I my major hope with that whole situation was that I just want someone to have my back or to watch it while I fix everything. As of graduating high school, I literally dropped everyone due to how toxic and life sucking they were. But this inevitably left me in a situation where I am quite literally alone and have no support system besides family, which isn’t the best option.

    My family have not been the greatest in terms of support or my childhood, both of my parents were extremely abusive and my step mother was borderline abusive. When my step mother passed, I ignored my mother when she messaged me because I was super busy with my dad and sisters and I explained that to her like i’m busy I can’t bust out an hour everyday to talk to you. But she went off and took it the wrong way and manipulated the whole situation and basically told me to fuck off and if this is what I wanted then she won’t talk to me period. I’m not really sure what happened between my dad and my one sister, but they both haven’t even tried reaching out to me since the funeral. My oldest sister sometimes messages me, but she hasn’t filled dropped me. I am not sure if my one sister also saw the LGBT pins i have on my school backpack, and told my dad and this prompted them to drop me because they are anti lgbt. So all in all, I am don’t have my moms side at all, and I haven’t since things went sour between us back when I was 12. But my dad and step moms side just completely dropped me. I still have my one Aunt and cousin on my dads side I think, but I’m not sure.
    Another thing about the funeral is that my step mom wrote a whole stack of letters before she went into a surgery and wasn’t sure if the narcotics would cause an allergic reaction and kill her. But long story short I did not get a letter from her when the church handed them out, which really hurt a lot.

    I know I have a lot of baggage and I just literally am at a loss due to the combination of my past and now my present. My life has already been a wreckage and the one thing keeping me going for literal years was the expectation that I will go to college and finally be away from home, but now that I’ve been here, it has been nothing but pure chaos and misery. And I just keep having to be like “oh once i get to this point, it’ll be okay” and then once I do actually get there, it’s never okay. Which is causing the hopelessness even more because Im stuck in this vicious cycle of hope that is proven futile each and every time.

    #387140
    TeaK
    Participant

    Dear TheNovaStarr,

    I feel for you and I am sorry that you’re in such a difficult spot right now. Your parents were abusive, and if I understood well, your stepmother was a little better than your parents, since they were “extremely abusive” and she was only “borderline abusive”. It appears that while she was alive, you kind of felt included in the family. Have you been living with your dad, your stepmother and your sisters?

    But since she passed away, and you’ve moved away to college, your dad and one sister stopped reaching out to you, and your other sister only reaches out rarely. Your own mother got offended when you didn’t want to talk to her every day on the phone after the funeral, and she stopped talking to you too. You now feel completely alone. On top of that, you feel hurt because your stepmother left letters to family members, but she didn’t leave a letter for you. You now feel disappointed and hurt.

    Also, you’ve dreamed about college and getting away from home for years, and now that you are there, you also experience rejection and perhaps hostility, since they aren’t welcoming like you thought they would be, and you have to fight over health and meal plans.

    Yes, it’s a lot, and you’ve been through a lot in your life. But in spite of it all, you’ve managed to enroll in a college – which is no small thing! So give yourself a pat on the back! You’re a fighter, you’re ambitious, and that’s a great resource.

    I understand you feel bad and alone at the moment, but have you tried reaching out to your father and sisters – like you reaching out to them and asking them what’s up, instead of wondering why they’ve stopped contacting you? You started thinking they don’t like you any more and that maybe it has to do with where you stand on the LGBT issues. But maybe it has nothing to do with that. Maybe it’s not true that they don’t like you, but there are other reasons why they aren’t reaching out. Have you clarified that with them?

    Also, perhaps you can message your boss and ask him about your job? Maybe you don’t need to wait till he texts you?

    When you say “I might have to drop therapy due to financial difficulties directly correlated to step mothers death” – do you mean psychotherapy or therapy for your GERD and IBS problems?

     

    #387240
    anita
    Participant

    Dear TheNovaStarr:

    I did not have internet access since I last posted to you. I had my internet access resumed this evening. If you are reading this post, please let me know and I will reply further to you.

    anita

    #387246
    anita
    Participant

    Dear TheNovaStarr:

    I have been in semi contact with them (twin flames) via dreams and meditation.. my main driving factor of keeping myself from quite literally ending it all this past year has been the ‘promise’ from guides.. It has not happened yet.. losing hope within the twin flame.. hope within life itself… this week I had major major signs that the whole reunion was going to happen.. I started to regain hope in life, and I was genuinely happy. But then for whatever reason, this morning all signs just pointed towards no it won’t. I am just so lost and I do not know what to do anymore beside just completely give up on everything… I just want someone to have my back or to watch it while I fix everything“-

    -I am not a twin flame or a guide, but I am here online, in these forums, posting every day with few exceptions (most recently due to days of internet loss),  for over 6 years, most of my interactions with members are on record that you can access. I am willing to .. watch your back as you fix things, one by one, here to listen to you, to give you feedback if you wish.. to fuel your hope for a better tomorrow, if I can, simply by being here for you.

    anita

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