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I'm so frustrated that I'm reevaluating the friendship

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  • #327321
    Kaylon
    Participant

    I’m being bothered with something going on between my friend/her mom and me. I’ve talked with 2 people about the situation and both have surprisingly similar reactions. So I’m here to seek more opinions.

     

    I have this really good friend from college. I’m also very close to her family. I’ve spent Christmas with her family. Her mom always says I’m another daughter to her.

     

    I moved to a different state to work after I graduated. Right now I’m visiting the city where I went to college. I’m only here for 3 days on weekdays. My friend lives outside the city. The transportation to the city is really good. Probably would take her close to 2hr one way to get to the city.

    While we’re planning the meetup, she said she wanted to drive, which totally complicates things because of traffic and parking. She said she got out of work at 3pm on Wednesday and would come meet with me. Because she’s driving, she wanted me to meet her in a very suburban area.

    We started this long planning for where to get dinner together. She said she was gluten intolerant, which I know. I looked up some places, and found out there’s not many gluten free options outside the city. She told me to download this app which would show all the gluten free restaurants. I did and shared a few places with her. Then she said it needed to be celiac friendly because of her allergy. But the app charges $20 for the celiac friendly option. So I asked her about salads. Sha said there could be cross contamination. She then showed me a few restaurants that qualified, but they were only half an hour from where she lived and extremely inconvenient for me. So I said can you eat before we meet. She insisted having dinner together. After I picked one from her list, she said some reviews showed concern on the restaurant’s gluten free.

    This went on for 2 days. Then I said this should not be so difficult. Can you eat beforehand and we just need a place to sit down to catch. And can you at least meet me half way. She gave me a laundry list of reasons that her allergy makes coordinating with people so difficult, she had to get up early the next day, if she didn’t get enough sleep she would get sick, meeting with me halfway was too far west and she prefers to stay further east.

    I wad so frustrated and told her next time. But we can start scheduling dedicated time for each other and do video chats. She said she’d let me know about it.

    At the same time, her mom is scheduling a lunch with me on a different day. We were texting back and forth on the time and location. Then her mom went silent for hours. Then came back and said there house bathroom was leaking and she had to stay home and couldn’t meet up this time.

    The people I talked with think her mom made up the roof leaking excuse after she learned we were not meeting.

    I’m just disappointed at how things turned out. I my friend’s very immature being back and forth picking celiac friendly restaurants. Since she knew this made things difficult, why couldn’t she eat on her own. At the same time, I feel like my friend and her mom are selfish yo expect me do all the travel despite I flew 3000 miles. And her mom’s niceness to me is extremely conditional.

     

    #327433
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Kaylon:

    Is this the same friend you shared about 2.5 years ago, in June 2017? There you shared that you bought her some gifts for her graduation party, spending more than $100, and when you had dinner together in a restaurant, she asked the waitress to  split the bill. When the bill arrived, she told the waitress that your dish was about 50 cents higher than hers, wanting the bill to be corrected so that her share is down 25 cents.

    You gave her a $100 gift and she didn’t want to pay 25 cents of your bill- is this the same woman?

    anita

    #327437
    Kaylon
    Participant

    Hey anita,

     

    Yes, same girl. I think I’m done investing in this relationship. Looking back, when things not going the way she expected, she became extremely difficult and and reacting very immaturely.

    #327439
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Kaylon:

    Good choice, to be “done investing in this relationship”. She’s been quite selfish and self centered for a long time, hasn’t she?

    anita

    #327539
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Kaylon,

    I would take the mother at face value. I think it really was the bathroom. If it wasn’t, you don’t need that kind of older friend.

    My daughter has Celiac. We know how hard it is. However, she would take on the responsibility of finding a restaurant onto herself. And she would eat beforehand or have gluten free food in the car and purse (as I taught her).

    Friendships get harder the farther distance away they are. There is all this pressure to get together when you’re in the area and have it go perfectly perfect. Let this one go.

    Best,

    Inky

    #327965
    Kaylon
    Participant

    Thanks Inky. I appreciate your opinion.

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