Dear Berta

Which practices you engaged with?

Before one practices, mountains are mountains and waters are waters; after a first glimpse into the truth, mountains are no longer mountains and waters are no longer waters; after enlightenment, mountains are once again mountains and waters once again waters.

We are not meant to live on top of mountains. Thus all spiritual experience and practice must incorporate the return. The return to Life as it is. In my opinion that is something most traditions don’t do well. My Experience with Buddhism is that the challenge of the return involves the practice of detachment. Healthy detachment, healthy boundaries where one accepts things as they all while remaining fully engaged in life .

From your post it sounds like you have fallen into the trap of Indifference.  Its a fine line between detachment and Indifference. One of my observations with the Buddhist practice is it often involves a loss of energy to engage. The unskillful detachment from ego, goals, relationships, identity, hope… leading to indifference. If I am not my ego, my experiences, my emotions, my memory why engage, what’s the point = loss of energy.

Sitting by a calm lake in meditation and or contemplation nothing touches us and we think what bliss. Then life interrupts, we need to eat, relive ourselves, work, the stuff of life, everything touches us. The goal of the practice is to take the experience of the lake with us as we engage fully in the stuff.

We return from the mountain/lake and see for the first time. Nothing has changed, everything has changed.

Hi Berta!

Your difficulties after that experience sound distressing. It’s difficult to discuss without more information. Your English is very good though!

It’s good that you sought a therapist though perfectly okay if you feel things aren’t working out. It sounds like you’re doing your best to take care of yourself through this unique situation.

Personally, I’ve seen many people have difficulties arise with spiritual practices. It can be tricky to work through things on your own. It is often helpful to work with an experienced practitioner who can guide you through any difficulties.

Are you in a country where you have access to traditional Chinese medicine? I’ve found practitioners of this system quite helpful myself.

The only other thing I can recommend is relaxing. Yoga is excellent for this, but whatever works best for you would be great too. It might not sound like much, but it sounds like the experiences you are having are quite distressing. Stabilising your mood via a repeated effort to relax could be helpful. I hope you taking care of yourself in other ways like eating regularly and exercise? Both of which also help with mood. I hope that these difficulties ease soon!