Dear anita

I was 16 years old when I had the brain infection. It took me more than 2 years to recover. When I think about that period, I was very angry at the time. Questions like “why did this happen to me” etc. I shed so many tears. Also, I had to move on: I wanted to study at university and everyone told me not to. I did and graduated, but it took so much effort that I didn’t think about my mental health. It took me years to find help and  to talk about it with a professional. It affects my life today ( I’m 35), although I thought it would pass along time passes.

I don’t think that my mother realises that she criticizes me. She probably denies when I would confront her. It’s all meant well. The same with my father. He always says that he doesn’t push me, but he does – to apply for a job, to call mister x,… The pressure on his behalf is high as well.

Thank you again for your reply.

If I confront her, she’ll probably say that it’s for my own good.

Indeed, it’s hard to believe that parents do things or say things that isn’t the way to have a healthy relationship.

Yes, I think you’re right –  I’m angry: about what happened when I had the brain infection, about the fact that I can’t hold a job, at my parents, at myself.

Again, thank you for your reply.

Riris

Dear anita

Thank you again for posting.

You’re right – I cannot separate from my mother. I will find a way to be the person I want to be for myself. I now realise that I’ve been looking for approval for my both parents, which is not the way to live. I think it started when I got ill – it’s the time when young persons, like myself at the time, are trying to live their own life. Instead, I needed all the help and since then I became / become too attached. Anita, thank you so much for this insight. This is more than therapy, because you are honest.  I appreciate that.

In the meantime, I realise how much pain I caused with the affair: my husband, who doesn’t know what I’ve been doing, the man I got involved with and myself. Sometimes I want to start fresh and say the truth, but then I risk that he might leave me. The guilt is all over towards my husband. Somewhere in the thread, somebody wrote that this man who’ve I got involved with, could be toxic himself. He asked me to make a decision – to choose between him or my husband – I didn’t respect that and now he’s angry.

Riris

Dear anita

The man I was involved with, is angry.  I texted him to see him , not as a lover but as a friend, and he wrote that he didn’t have the time but soon he’ll make time for me. All right. But then, I saw some quotes on his Pinterest page. There were quotes like “be faithful of stay single”, “f*ck you”, “cheaters have issues” and a whole lot of that. Why I did visit his page? Well, at that time I wanted to have control over him (which is, I see now, totally unhealthy and toxic). So, that’s why I think he’s hurt because he was in love with me.

Regarding my husband, he doesn’t know zero about this past affair. And if I want to tell the truth, the whole truth, I have no idea what he’ll do. He’s not aggressive, not at all, but it would hurt him sooo much.

Thank you again anita