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October 26, 2018 at 6:29 am #233463
ririsParticipantDear anita
Thanks!
No, I’m not involved with another man. Well, he’s quite conservative, but I’ll ask him. But I don’t know if that can be a solution. I just want to be him to stroke my hair and touch me. Actually, it’s about touching each other in an affectionate way.
I can leave him and be heartbroken because I love him and my baby, or I have to suck it up (excuse my language) and deal with it. But I did that so many years and I feel frustrated.
October 16, 2018 at 6:32 am #231299ririsParticipantHi Katie
I’m sorry that you are in low spirits these days. Your boyfriend broke up with you and you feel sad, and that’s normal – because he’s the person you know and had an intimate relationship. However, when time passes, you will feel better because, in your former posts, your ex didn’t treat you well. In my opinion, he acted like a child. You deserve better.
About bonding with others, did you bond with your classmates of Philosophy?
Riris
October 3, 2018 at 5:51 am #228775ririsParticipantAnd good for you to become friends with the girl and the boy in your philosophy class! It’s good to have / to become friends on your own, and not friends attached to your boyfriend.
October 3, 2018 at 5:48 am #228773ririsParticipantDear Katie
I know the feeling you express by getting nervous. I had that too, until I was going to teach for a group of 20 students…! Btw, I survived.
Everyone (and I mean really everyone) feels sometimes akward, nervous, gets red in the face, gets uncomfortable… Thing is, no-one tells you this. You are not weird. You’re dealing with insecurities in this moment of your life. And no, you’re not ruining your reputation. As you wrote, you had a decent conversation. That’s what counts.
Riris
October 3, 2018 at 5:34 am #228765ririsParticipantDear Colton
It’s hard, but now you know what you’re up against. Take care of your emotional well-being from now on. Single or not in the future, let your emotions digest from this experience. And take all the time you need. I wish you all the best.
Riris
October 2, 2018 at 4:56 am #228565ririsParticipantDear Katie
Of course, it was akward to break the news to that man – maybe he wanted more than friendship. However, it’s good that he knows about your boyfriend. Now it’s in the open.
About (making) friends… You wrote that you hang out with your boyfriend and his friends – is that correct? When I was your age (a bit younger perhaps) I started to contact people of my class. To go out, having drinks,… I got out of my comfort zone. At first, it’s uncomfortable. Later things went better.
In your class, is there anyone? You can talk about class and gradually, if you like that person / persons, why don’t you spend more time with that person / them? I know, it’s hard, I’m timid too, but why won’t you give it a try?
Riris
October 2, 2018 at 4:25 am #228557ririsParticipantDear Colton
I agree with anita: as long as your girlfriend doesn’t see what she’s doing to you and isn’t aware of it, then nothing can help. You said it yourself: your self-esteem is getting down, you feel that you have to defend yourself over and over,..
A healthy relationship makes people happy, without judgement, without laughing at you, without critizism,…
You wrote that you love her but if you want to protect yourself mentally… you might consider to end the relationship. It’s just a thought…
Riris
October 2, 2018 at 4:02 am #228555ririsParticipantDear anita
Again, thank you so much! I realise that there is some work to do on some parts of myself, but there is hope, and a great deal comes from you. So, thank you for listening and replying, you are a real help! You helped me a lot.
Riris
October 1, 2018 at 9:48 am #228415ririsParticipantDear anita
You’re such a help! Thank you again for replying me.
About that man: he’s single. No, I don’t contact him because it will do no good. I’ve learned my lessen now.
And again, you’re right: if I tell my husband, it would be indeed a selfish relief. Yes, the affair is over and done, there is no need to tell him. I have to live with this burden, not him.
Yes, indeed, I need to correct my relationships. I’m getting there, slowly…
Thanks again
October 1, 2018 at 7:04 am #228377ririsParticipantAnd no; I have no contact with that man anymore.
October 1, 2018 at 7:03 am #228375ririsParticipantDear anita
The man I was involved with, is angry. I texted him to see him , not as a lover but as a friend, and he wrote that he didn’t have the time but soon he’ll make time for me. All right. But then, I saw some quotes on his Pinterest page. There were quotes like “be faithful of stay single”, “f*ck you”, “cheaters have issues” and a whole lot of that. Why I did visit his page? Well, at that time I wanted to have control over him (which is, I see now, totally unhealthy and toxic). So, that’s why I think he’s hurt because he was in love with me.
Regarding my husband, he doesn’t know zero about this past affair. And if I want to tell the truth, the whole truth, I have no idea what he’ll do. He’s not aggressive, not at all, but it would hurt him sooo much.
Thank you again anita
October 1, 2018 at 2:13 am #228353ririsParticipantDear Colton
There are a whole lot of signs that your girlfriend has toxic behaviour and it’s good to realise this. She doesn’t respect you in various ways.
May I ask how long you are together? This may clarify your question “Have I allowed it to go to far and setting boundaries now would be too late?”
Are there signs in her childhood that reflects this behaviour?
Riris
October 1, 2018 at 1:49 am #228351ririsParticipantDear Katie
Thanks for the update. As for the new boy – you liked him and now you don’t anymore. Don’t be hard on yourself! In fact, with this new boy, you realise how you should be treated by a man. Your current boyfriend, as I understand, doesn’t do that or very litte. It’s like you have to prove time and again to be with him. Maybe he sees / feels doubts on your side and wants to help out with your essay. Correct me if I’m wrong.
As having no friends, why do you think that? You’re now in an emotional state of mind.
Riris
October 1, 2018 at 1:04 am #228349ririsParticipantDear anita
Thank you again for posting.
You’re right – I cannot separate from my mother. I will find a way to be the person I want to be for myself. I now realise that I’ve been looking for approval for my both parents, which is not the way to live. I think it started when I got ill – it’s the time when young persons, like myself at the time, are trying to live their own life. Instead, I needed all the help and since then I became / become too attached. Anita, thank you so much for this insight. This is more than therapy, because you are honest. I appreciate that.
In the meantime, I realise how much pain I caused with the affair: my husband, who doesn’t know what I’ve been doing, the man I got involved with and myself. Sometimes I want to start fresh and say the truth, but then I risk that he might leave me. The guilt is all over towards my husband. Somewhere in the thread, somebody wrote that this man who’ve I got involved with, could be toxic himself. He asked me to make a decision – to choose between him or my husband – I didn’t respect that and now he’s angry.
Riris
September 30, 2018 at 1:10 am #228179ririsParticipantIf I confront her, she’ll probably say that it’s for my own good.
Indeed, it’s hard to believe that parents do things or say things that isn’t the way to have a healthy relationship.
Yes, I think you’re right – I’m angry: about what happened when I had the brain infection, about the fact that I can’t hold a job, at my parents, at myself.
Again, thank you for your reply.
Riris
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