Hi new here. I don’t really have any friends to ask this to because my social anxiety really limits me.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 7 years now, and knew him for 2 years before that. We’re inseparable.

Anyways. I’ve always bent over backwards for his family, even more so than he has done for mine. I’ve driven his father cross country because they didn’t want him to drive that far by himself. I’ve sat with them for surgeries when my bf couldn’t be there. I’ve welcomed them into our home, clean for them, made meals for them, etc. Done all sorts of things, never asking anything in return.

His mother has talked down to me in verbally abusive ways on more than one occasion. Mostly online. The final time, I blew up at her because I had had it. I ended up apologizing for that but also told her she cannot continue to treat me like that. She blocked me.

His sister and I used to be close, or so I thought. She lives about 800 miles away. She went through a really bad health experience and hasn’t been been able to visit for a while. (The majority of the family is up here, which is why it’s easier for her to visit us than for us to bring 15 people to her). I wrote her in about May or June, after many talks with my bf and his brother, etc. I asked her how she was doing health wise and if that was the reason she doesn’t come see us anymore or if there is some other reason, and if there is, she can talk to us about it. I said that we would like to know how she’s doing from her point of view because we don’t want to just assume she’s well. Some things we had heard she was doing appeared to point to her doing much better. Anyways, i went over it multiple times to make sure it came across as caring and not offensive and sent it to her. She took everything the wrong way.  Then a  fe months later, some family members went to visit her and she showed them what i wrote, twisted it, and everyone there was talking about me behind my back. Other family members blocked me after that. I was pissed. I wrote her and was like what the heck? I try to write a letter to find out how you’re doing and you stab me in the back?? Wtf. She wrote back a scathing, intentionally hurtful message. Some of the things she blamed me for weren’t correct, someone else had done it. It took over a week for me to stop crying from what she said. It still makes me angry and sad a month later. I wrote her back and apologized and told her that if something I said came out wrong or appeared insensitive, I’m sorry.

She won’t talk to me anymore. Nothing I said was offensive. My bf can’t stand being in the middle and I hate putting him there. He says he hopes we can work it out.

But I don’t think we can. She doesn’t think she did anything wrong. And I know she and my in laws are all still talking behind my back. It’s not easy to just let it roll off my shoulders. I’ve always treated everyone with respect and this is what i get in return. I don’t ever want to see her again. I don’t even want to do anything for anyone anymore because they will just look at it as me trying to suck up when that’s not even why i do stuff. And nothing I say will make it better, it will just be an “excuse”.

I don’t know how to move past this. Part of me doesn’t care what they think, but the other part of me does because they are family to me and have been for almost a decade.

Any suggestions or advice would be wonderful and very appreciated. Thank you.