I moved to a new town about 10 months ago. I met and connected with a coworker in deeper ways than I ever felt possible. I fell in love with him quickly. We are teachers, which will make the following timeline make more sense. It was immediate and for the first 6-ish months we were inseparable. He was my life line here—my only new friend. I felt valued because he has tons (seriously, so many) of friends and is at the center of his friend group. But we spent more time together than he did with any of them. Literally going to dinner and for drinks every single weeknight and spending our weekends together. One evening in October (Halloween, actually), after a particularly hard week for him (family loss, stolen phone), we went for drinks after work and ended up staying for a long time. We were talking to other patrons of our regular bar, but he was holding my hand and rubbing my knee the entire time. I thought this would be the next step that we needed to escalate our relationship. We texted all day the following day and he invited me to his group’s (which I have been accepted as part of) Sunday Dinner.

I was hopeful going into the dinner at his house. That evening he said he reconnected with a girl he used to talk to and was meeting up with her for a drink because he feels lonely. I was crushed. The next month we were still incredibly close and their drinks never materialized into anything. He started talking to people on OKCupid and I took it super personally. I ended up signing up for E-Harmony and going on multiple dates with a guy who he found out about and happened to be ex-coworkers with. Of course. I fear that I made a grave mistake by going on these dates, but they never meant anything. I was just trying to distract myself from his disinterest.

By the time we reached Thanksgiving Break, I knew something felt off. He wasn’t communicating much over the weekends, but weeknights were still the same. He barely communicated at all over Thanksgiving, instead reconnecting with his other friends. He got jealous that I didn’t pay him much attention during our friend Thanksgiving, but I was just trying to not seem clingy or upset about his lack of communication and spend time with other people. Nut he literally ruled my break. I was obsessed with his lack of communication.

The weeks leading up to winter break was rocky but still connected. We picked right back up following Thanksgiving break. Still did dinner multiple nights a week and consistently texting. The first day of Winter Break we went to a student’s event but he lacked in communication and ran off after to hang out with friends. He didn’t really text me over the next couple of weeks, but anytime he did I would try to wait to respond.

Once we returned from Winter Break is when things got really crazy. He said he reconnected with an ex during his winter vacation trip and they were hanging out once a week. He said he was focusing on himself and not super available, but still texting all the time and our friendship was normal at school. I felt like I was a burden anytime I asked if he wanted to do something and get a no. We would only do our regular Friday drinks, and even that was less frequent. He knew he was hurting me and eventually apologized and randomly brought me a super thoughtful and personal gift. I was so down and he thought something else was going on, like a family issue was getting to me. I was just a bit heartbroken by how excited he was about the ex and that he didn’t seem to care about us. His reconnection with the ex-girlfriend also never materialized into anything.

One evening toward the end of this time, I was at a get together with all of his friends and that ex was there and they were communicating and having a good time. I ended up having a discussion with his best friend, and it turns out we had a lot in common. During those school breaks when I was being ignored, he spent a lot of time with his best friend and she felt they were getting really close. One night during Winter Break, he kissed her and said he might be in love with her. He FaceTimed and talked to her during his winter vacation, but she wasn’t sure she wanted something with him. She tried to discuss his kiss and confession with him, but by the time he returned from the trip he was already infatuated with his reconnection to the ex-girlfriend. He wasn’t into discussing what happened between himself and his best friend.

The thing that bothers me is that for the first part of the school year and even still on weekdays it was like he belonged to me, but during the breaks he was having these feelings for his best friend. We both feel like we were a little played by him. She got over it and they are still super close best friends, but it took time to get there. Now, because I like to keep things difficult, his best friend is my roommate. I love her, just get super jealous when he calls her on the phone. Which is frequent, they are best friends!

During the month of March and through April we coached a school sport together. We resumed our frequent dinners and drinks, but he doesn’t really invite me to his group things anymore and doesn’t really talk on the weekends much. It hurts my feelings a lot when I’m not included in things with his friend group, since I’m new here, super invested with him, and his best friend is now my roommate. One night when we were out to dinner after a game, he told me that he is working to show he values our relationship more. He really did. We were talking, doing dinners, etc.

Now he is in a new working out all the time, so I guess we are back to just Friday drinks again. I obsess over every piece of communication.

I feel like I am always giving and he is taking. When he gives I act like he offered me the world, but it doesn’t even compare to everything that I do for him. He is moody and gives weird responses if I say hi to him in the parking lot in the morning. It’s a lot of work to be connected with him but I always feel like it is worth it. He has done a lot this year—for example, he’s in the middle of converting to Judaism, which he spends a lot of time on and in class for.

A few weeks ago he was over watching a movie with me and he ended up being a little cuddly with his best friend on the couch, but that’s just how they are after 15 years of friendship.

Sometimes I feel like I’m just ridiculous and jealous. He spends more time with me than anyone else the majority of the time. This past Friday he invited the best friend to our weekly drinks and it kind of got to me, but while we were there he invited me to go to his conversion class the next morning which was exciting! He can be such a strange person though. I went to the class, we didn’t really talk before, and after we just walked out and he said bye.

He is such a roller coaster. One second he is holding my hand, the next not speaking to me. Then he is sending cute text messages, then not talking to me for 2 days. Next year I will be the assistant principal and he will still be a teacher, which hinders things a bit. He is the most important person in my world, and while I know I am important to him I genuinely feel that we are on two different levels emotionally. I’m resentful of much of what I do for him out of love and get my feelings hurt when he doesn’t do what I expect of him. I’m tired of feeling like a burden when I know that one’s just in my head. I’m desperately in love with him and want things to go my way. At the same time, I know that our positions make that difficult. I’m tired of trying too hard with him. Then I feel like it’s all probably in my head because he’s a boy and maybe doesn’t pick up on the same things.

I know the answer is usually space but I have put myself in the position that we are coworkers, best friends, and he is my only close friend within three hours. I know I need to get over him and I have been trying so hard and I haven’t yet been able to. I obsess over every communication.

Sorry it’s so long, please advise!