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In need of advice from an outsider looking in.

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Viewing 9 posts - 1 through 9 (of 9 total)
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  • August 9, 2016 at 11:13 pm #112035
    Lacey
    Participant

    So first let me give some background info. Going into my sophomore year of college I was playing volleyball in hopes to get a scholarship to a four year university. During that summer I tore my ACl, and needed a full reconstruction. I decided from that moment I was done with volleyball, but at the same time I still wanted to venture out to somewhere new. So I decided to move to Michigan to live with my aunt and uncle. (My aunt and uncle and fairly young, with no kids.) Obviously Michigan was a huge change to where I was living previously, California.
    Flash forward to a year later. Here is where I need some serious life advice. Since living here a year I have not made many friends. When I go out and do things i normally do them by myself. What I miss most is having people to do everyday things with like getting coffee, or going shopping. I’m coming up on my 21st birthday. I just recently got out of a negative relationship. I was really unhappy at the time and whatever situation was currently happening in my life only seemed worse while in this relationship. 2 months ago I decided I missed my parents and my brother too much, and that I was unhappy and I wanted to move back home. Now that I’m out of this relationship I’m sitting here wondering… Do I really want to go back home? This would mean I would have to start from the bottom. In the area I live in it can be tough to get a job, the other downside is the school I wish to attend is 75 miles away from my house. This wouldn’t be a problem, but I would have to go to school 5 days a week full time. I’m scared of the fact of being stuck in the area that I live in. Yeah I have friends there, but I’m not close with any of them anymore.
    Here in Michigan I have a job, I live rent free,and I have rules that i don’t agree with but their not unbearable. The plus side to living here is that there is always someplace hiring.

    SO I guess what I need help on, is whether I should stay here in Michigan, go to beauty school and then let life figure itself out after that? Or should I move back home?

    August 10, 2016 at 8:24 am #112048
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear laceycast:

    The advantages for you, the pros for staying in Michigan is that:

    1. You are currently employed in Michigan and future employment is way more likely in Michigan than in CA.
    2. You plan on attending beauty school and there is one available for you in close proximity in Michigan (And in CA, is it a beauty school you wish to attend and is it 75 miles away)?
    3. You live with young aunt and uncle, no children and their house rules that are bearable (while the rules in your parents’ house in CA are less bearable)?
    4. You are living rent free in Michigan (while in CA, will you be paying your parents rent? Or will you be living close to the school you wish to attend, 75 miles away and pay rent there)?
    5. You don’t have friends in Michigan but you don’t have close friends in CA.

    Too many questions in my post. Will you clarify what I am not clear about (the question marks) and we’ll go from there.

    anita

    August 10, 2016 at 9:33 am #112055
    Lacey
    Participant

    Answers to your questions.
    3. If i moved back to CA I would have 0 rules, but I would be the one cleaning and cooking in the house. This is partly why I wanted to leave california in the first place because I was being too much of a mother rather than a kid.
    4. I would not pay any rent, but having the school be so far away I would have to consider moving closer where I would have to pay rent.

    August 10, 2016 at 9:58 am #112062
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear laceycast:

    So what are the cons, the disadvantages of staying in Michigan? Can you list those?

    anita

    August 10, 2016 at 11:46 am #112072
    Lacey
    Participant

    The Cons of staying in Michigan is
    1. I feel lonely all the time because I don’t have friends.
    2. My aunt and uncle and I sometimes don’t get along.
    3. The weather.

    August 10, 2016 at 1:09 pm #112084
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear laceycast:

    The pros for staying in Michigan:

    1. You are currently employed in Michigan and future employment is way more likely in Michigan than in CA.

    2. You plan on attending beauty school and there is one available for you in close proximity in Michigan (And in CA, is it a beauty school you wish to attend and is it 75 miles away).

    3. You live with young aunt and uncle, no children and their house rules that are bearable (while in CA you’d have zero rules, but you would be the one cleaning and cooking in the house, the reason you wanted to leave CA in the first place).

    4. You are living rent free in Michigan (while in CA, if living at home you’d do all the cleaning and cooking and if you will be living close to the school, you will be paying rent).

    5. You don’t have friends in Michigan but you don’t have close friends in CA.

    The pros of returning to CA:

    1. You will have the friends you had there but these are not close friendships.

    2. The weather is nicer in CA.
    —–

    You asked for an outside perspective on your situation. My perspective is:

    A definite NO on living with your parents and siblings.

    This is why you left to begin with. To go back to the same dynamic makes no sense whatsoever. And to change long practiced pattern, that is, you working hard as if you were the parent to your siblings, would be a difficult pattern to break. Any pattern, long established, is very difficult to break. Why bother trying?

    Next: Michigan or not? If not Michigan then someplace else, but not your parents’ house.

    In summary: employment is a valid pro for Michigan. Distant friends in CA is a very weak Pro for CA. The no brainer easy understanding, for me, is no on living with your parents and siblings.

    It is time for you to be free of the unfair burden placed upon you, to be a parent instead of the kid that you should have been allowed to be!

    anita

    August 10, 2016 at 4:21 pm #112094
    Lacey
    Participant

    Thank you Anita!

    August 10, 2016 at 5:02 pm #112099
    Anonymous
    Guest

    You are welcome, laceycast. Post again anytime.
    anita

    September 10, 2016 at 5:22 pm #114853
    Livelovelifeeleni HappyMotivation, Advice, Outreach & LifeCoaching
    Participant

    Hi beautiful ♡♡♡♡lacey you are notnalone. I agree with anita, you are moving and GROWING each day and learning, this is your life, YOU DONT EVER HAVE TO GO TAKE A STEP BACK, You will be alright honey. Keep pursuing hobbies interests passions volunteer go out to places say hi and meet new people or go connect on social media or groups and go to public places and chat, who knows what could happen? This is your beautiful life, ehere you can make your dreams come true everyday. There is so much room to grow and live and learn. Let thr past be the past its okay you will make new friends ehat matters is every person you meet in life you had memories with and these memories help you both grow and you got to help each other. Your familymloves you and youre learning to do things by yourself. Me too my friends are allmfar away online but itsnok i know theyre there and i enjoy life on my terms standards and do what makes me happy. Keep doingnthat and dont let obstacles define you its about what you do after they happen girly keep moving forward and keep riding thr bicycle of life,SO PROUD OF YOY♡♡♡

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