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Infatuation or love?

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Viewing 7 posts - 1 through 7 (of 7 total)
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  • #89076
    Lucie
    Participant

    Hi guys,
    I’m facing a huge emotional breakdown. I’m not able to understand my feelings. I’ve a best friend. We stay in touch normally mostly via phones or messenger. Once during these past three days he told me he’s in love. Love at first sight. That thing shook me up. got goose bumps. But I ignored that feeling and called him to talk. Then we met after two days. There too; when his phone rang twice he left me and went to take on the call. I didn’t like it. I felt a sense of insecurity. When I got back home too I felt very happy to see him but at the same time gloomy for when I’ll see him again. I cried I felt sad when it comes to thinking he’s in love with someone else. Because I wanted him to get a good life partner but I don’t understand this reaction from my side. Please guys help me. Thanks a lot.

    #89079
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Lucie:

    I think that you are very sad to not be the most special person to your friend. You are sad that he left you to take on a call and that he is in love with someone else. You are afraid you lost him to the woman he is in love with, that you are no longer as special to him as you were. You are feeling a loss, sadness. Very sad.

    What do you think? Is it sadness you feel, sadness of losing your position with him, that he now prefers the company of another?

    anita

    #89091
    Lucie
    Participant

    Hi Anita

    I feel down because now he’s no more available for me. He’s still single. He got other friends too with whom he normally hangs out. But I can’t bear anyone else name to be frank this pricks my soul. Once he asked me if I missed him. I said I’m used to him. He again asked me ‘Addicted to me?’ I said maybe I don’t know. To be frank yes I miss him during working hours too I think of him. The first thing when I get up I msg him or its vice versa. Or the same thing when I’m on my home we talk or msg. So my world maybe revolves around him. But as he got many other friends. He’s not like me. Whereas in my case he’s the most special one.

    #89133
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Lucie:

    Did you notice he was so very special in your life before he told you he was in love with another girl? Or was it after he told you?

    Perhaps, selectively, make another friend, another person to be special in your life as well.

    anita

    #370049
    Lucie
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I am coming back to this post after nearly 5 years! OMG time goes by so quickly. I am now alright in my life. Made good choice by the grace of God. I now have my boyfriend who since few years. My ‘best friend’ is still there, not anymore my best friend however. He just needed friend with benefit i guess. Recently he texted me, he is still single and mingling around. He knows that i got my bf. But however, i think somewhere due to it did not work out between me and him i want and feel to make him so jealous to let him know that i was not of hooking up material although he knows that. I think its just an ego issue towards him. Ugh! Tbh, i am happy with everything in my life. Great bf, love and everything. 🙂

    #370052
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Lucie:

    I will need to re-read our past communication when I am back to the computer tomorrow morning my time, which is in about 15 hours from now. I will reply to you further then. Again, good to have you back here.

    anita

    • This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by .
    #370071
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Lucie:

    I will retell here what you shared in your 2014-2015 threads before I attend to what you shared yesterday, five years after your last post.

    In April 2014, you (age 23 or 24) had a “great dilemma”: you were engaged to a man (Dwane) who “still loved his ex and on top of this he cheated” on you with multiple women. He told you that he dreamt of his ex. The women he cheated on you with called you and fought with you. When you told him about it, he said: “not to worry he gonna marry me, not them”. During the relationship, you “desperately waited each day for his call or text… cried at nigh”, but he “said he is busy with work and not to phone him”.

    While engaged, you met a guy (Stephan, age 26 or 27) at work and the two of you became friends, texted and “went out for movies and lunch.. shopping”. You noticed that he was interested in you as more than friends. Unlike Dwane who rarely talked to you for more than 10 minutes, Stephan talked to you for way longer, texted you morning and night, skyped, “was all here for me”, you wrote. At times you and Stephan “quarreled over small issues.. a repeating pattern”. Stephan had “an ego problem”, not accepting that he can be wrong about anything and demanding that you apologize regardless of you believing that he was in the wrong. At one point he did not reply to your apology and to your other many messages for three days, and unfriended you on Facebook. When he answered you on the fourth day (and re-added you on Facebook), you “melted”. Stephan understood that you love him, telling you that you “can’t live without him now”. And indeed, you wrote: “I love Stephan a lot”.

    Stephan told you that you “make things complicated”, that you “always have a problem whether at work or family issues.. and that’s why he avoids too much of talking coz he keeps himself immune from these matter. He keeps himself calm”. He suggested that you should “limit.. problems and be stable”. Stephan also told you that you Dwane is the wrong guy for you for not valuing you. “I know he is talking right. coz really am very emotional”.

    In September 2014, you shared that you (age 24) were still engaged to Dwane who “does not have time” for you, “supposed to get married in the next 2 years”, and you were in love with your “close guy friend”, Stephan (age 27). You were afraid: “what if he learns about my feelings and squarely rejects me”. You wrote about him: “I love him so much.. He’s always on my mind, in my thoughts. Everyday he’s in my prayer”. The two of you quarreled again, then he sent you a romantic song.

    In August 2015, you (age 25) shared that you are confused about your feelings for Stephan (age 28). When you got a simple message from him, like “hi how are you”, your “heart pounded”. At one point, you “told him the truth, that I fell for him”. Sometime later, he told you that he is single, and you wrote that Stephan is a womanizer, and that you want to see him happy “even though I feel my life is incomplete without him. I feel like crazy in love, I feel happy that I fell in love with such a guy and love him forever without any expectations, just he’s safe in his world and achieve everything in life”. You wrote that you “are moving away from my boyfriend.. But to move on with my friend, isn’t it a bit too early as I don’t know what does he think of me?”

    At the time, I suggested to you to ask Stephan questions so to get the information that you need. You answered me: “you’re right about the open ended questions and more communication. But he has always been a yes or no guy while texting. He does not like long messages, he may not read them… Now he has even blocked my number.. I don’t know what’s the reason”.

    September 2015: “I’m not a great believer of astrology, but scared of it.. Frankly, I prefer to live my life according to the flow. Whether bad or good, just go along and face it with a positive way. Let’s go happy way”.

    December 2015: You wrote that you were “facing a huge emotional breakdown”, unable to understand your feelings. You shared that you and Stephan “stay in touch normally via phones or messenger”, and that recently, he told  you that he was in love, “Love at first sight” with another woman. That information shook you up, feeling “a sense of insecurity.. gloomy for when I’ll see him again. I cried and felt sad when it comes to thinking he’s in love with someone else”.

    You shared that at one time, Stephan asked you if you missed him, and you answered that you were used to him. He then asked you, are you “addicted to me?”, and you answered “maybe, I don’t know”.

    “To be frank, yes, I miss him during working hours too.. The first thing when I get up I msg him or its vice versa.. So my world maybe revolves around him. But he got many other friends. He’s not like me. Whereas in my case, he’s the most special one”.

    November 2020: almost five years after your last post, you (age 30) shared that you have a boyfriend for the last few years. You wrote about Stephan (age 33): “he is still there, not anymore my best friend however. He just needed friend with benefit I guess. Recently he texted me, he is still single and mingling around. He knows that I got my bf”.

    You shared that you are “not the hooking up material”. In previous threads you shared this as well, and that Stephan knew it and liked you for it, if I remember correctly.

    “Tbh, I am happy with everything in my life. Great bf, love and everything”-

    – good to read this update, Lucie. Glad that you are happy with everything and that you have a great boyfriend, love and everything. Any time you want to post again, here or in a new thread, please do.

    anita

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